Increasing your confidence may seem impossible right now but have you noticed that your confidence changes? On a day to day basis or even hourly, regardless of what activities you are doing, who you’re hanging out with. what shows you’re watching or listening to and what you’re reading,  our confidence can shift very quickly.

Maybe you are like I used to be? You don’t always notice this happening, it’s just a natural flow.  Sometimes you feel good, sometimes you don’t but you have never actually connected the dots.  Our lives can happen so quickly as we move deeper into the digital era and we don’t always have time to be still and reflect on where we really are, how we are feeling.  So much get’s in the way doesn’t it?  How many things have you got on your to do list today for example? I can bet it’s ton’s and actually reading this blog is taking up your valuable time isn’t it? But you know this is important, you know that somewhere, sometime, somehow, you have got to get on top of this!

That was my life for so long, I mean actually years until I made myself slow down and reflect.  I knew I had to ease up on the self talk and condemnation of all the things I was doing “wrong”.  In hindsight (Ohhh it is a beautiful thing isn’t it?) the things I was doing wrong were actually right, or at least, they weren’t harmful, they weren’t imprisonable offences or anything like that but they weren’t serving me.  What I discovered was that, it was actually me that was hiding and shying away from my inner light.  I didn’t really appreciate that I had an inner light.  I really believed that my feelings were my guide, that they were an indicator of what I should do, so, I lived my life in accordance with my feelings and the result was hit and miss.  At that time, I had no inkling that my feelings new nothing of the outside world, of the people around me, or of my circumstances and so, I spent much of my time people pleasing.  Is this you?

  • Always  putting every one else first!  Regardless of whether it was work, family or friends, I was always last on the list.  My boss would call at 8.30am as I was on my way out of the door and ask if I could go to court as so and so had called in sick and Ohhhh Noooo, she had no one else that was free. “Ok” I’d say” but, I have a diary full of appointments with kids and families and if I don’t do them I’ll be way behind” bla bla bla.  You know what? She nearly always found someone else to meet my appointments.  Funny that since I was apparently the only one she could call on to fulfil Court Duty? So off I would rush, back into the house to change into my Court attire and hope that I would be back in time to at least meet my afternoon appointments.  Bad mood or what?  I would sit worrying about my schedule and the families that I was letting down AGAIN simply because the service that I worked for could not get their act together.  I always put the blame at my own door though, however, even if I had blamed my Employer, blame is a BAD place to be in.

Blame causes resentment and hurt and guilt and self condemnation and I could go on but we know this don’t we?  Blame also keeps us trapped and this is the worst part, blame keeps us in that vicious cycle of saying yes when you want to say no.  Each time we get asked or expected to do something that we actually do not want to do and we accept, we make it more likely that we will do so again.  That blame intensifies and so does the guilt and we become victims of our own good nature because ultimately, we blame ourselves for not doing what we really wanted or knew that we should do.

How do we get over this?  By seeing what the feeling of guilt, blame and self condemnation is actually pointing us to…..the nature of our thinking in that moment.  The feeling is telling me that I am having guilty or blameful thinking.  The feeling in itself, has no intellect, but, it is a great indicator of our state of mind.  When this started to make sense to me and I noticed my feelings, I was no longer a slave to my feelings.  This alone, frees me up to not have to alter or control my outside circumstances in order to try and change an unpleasant feeling.  In other words, Im free to say no!  The amount of space this began to free up inside my mind was fascinating.  I went from feeling manic and panic, to calm and resilient.  I was spending less and less time send guessing the feelings of others too, as, if its true for me, its true for them too.  It dawned on me that their feelings had nothing to do with me either.  Not in the sense that I don’t care about others, but in the sense of, I know that whatever feelings they experience, are a reflection of their state of mind and not a reflection of whether I am good enough

Finally, saying “Yes” becomes so much more fun because it is without resentment.  You will say “Yes” when you want to help out, when it is not going to throw you into the worst mood ever and this feels good. Saying “Yes” and meaning it is such a gorgeous feeling and lifts our confidence, our self esteem and our energetic vibration to a whole new level.

Start increasing your confidence today by doing this one simple thing; putting yourself first and understanding what your feelings are really telling you.

I would love your feedback!  Where in life are you a slave to your feelings and emotions?

Love Nicky x