Suicide Prevention

Suicide Prevention

Today is ‘World Suicide Prevention Day’. The fact that we have a day dedicated to preventing suicide is an indication that as a society, we still have far too many misunderstandings when it comes to discussions around death, suicide and living. Whilst many will be working hard today, posting and writing about how to spot the signs in someone who is feeling suicidal, I’m going to suggest that no signs truly exist. I wanted to commit suicide for several years and yet here I am. Many people go through life with suicidal thoughts running through their mind and many people don’t. It isn’t whats running through our mind that is the distinguishing factor in whether we succeed in ending our own life, its how seriously we are taking whats running through our mind in any given moment. Suicidal ideation is pretty common.

Combined with our own obsession of keeping our loved ones alive, suicidal ideation can hang around and it simply takes one more thought to make the difference, to tip the scales of life and death either way. When a loved one, friend or professional is constantly on watch to make sure one doesn’t commit suicide, it can innocently compound the suicidal thinking. An example? – It’s vital that you don’t think of red lorries today. Thinking of red lorries is VERY bad and will hurt my feelings. Please don’t do it!

So, how is suicide prevention best tackled? Well, it’s a complex topic for a blog post and you might still have lots of questions at the end. I would encourage you to come back to me with those questions though, they’re important ones and the answers are far simpler than we imagine. My own question though is never ‘how can I prevent suicide’? Instead, I am curious about whether or not someone understands who they really are. It is so easy to feel insignificant, unimportant, lonely, irrelevant and no matter how many times a friend or loved one tells you that you’re wrong, the very resistance to that thinking can keep us hanging on to spotting red lorries, or in this case, dying. Coupled with the fact that in the west, we are also obsessed with changing our thoughts and feelings, we end up spending a lot of time working on our thoughts and feelings and so don’t get to notice that what we are doing, is keeping those thoughts and feelings alive.

A question we often hear in the personal development arena is ‘what is my purpose’.  It used to be a question that emerged for me too from time to time, especially when I was stressed and anxious and had those moments of wondering just what is the point of my existence.  Nowadays, I have a different take on it and rarely ponder the purpose of existence for me or anyone else.  I  sway towards the view that the purpose of life is life itself and that I don’t have to make meaning of it.  I see that the only time that I try to find a meaning for my personal existence is when I’m feeling lost, separate and insignificant.  

Imagine that you and 2.5 million other fellow humans are standing in a field, pondering the purpose of life and wondering why you were born.  There must be some reason surely, you say? The group all agree.  I have been striving all of my life to find out, says one man.  I am so sick of not discovering the truth, of searching and meeting with dead ends.  I have set up businesses, made millions of pounds, travelled the world, fell in and out of love and now, I have simply had enough, I am exhausted and don’t feel I can go on anymore.  What am I going to do next if nothing I have done so far has bought me satisfaction? If nothing quells this anxiety and makes my life satisfactory and meaningful.

The man, feeling despairing and beaten, quietens and sits on the floor.  The rest of the group follow, sitting on the ground and with nothing else to do, they swap their stories about what they have done with their lives so far, the conquests, their failures, their unmet dreams and desires, their fears and hopes.  They talk of the drugs they have taken, the alcohol they’ve drunk, the food they’ve consumed.  Some tell about the the beatings they have both given and received, others, the murders they have committed. Some make mention of the love they lost and others the love they found. After several hours of swapping these stories, the first man gets up and says ‘I’m going home to kill myself.  There is nothing left for me here. Listening to myself and all of you, it doesn’t seem that anything any of us do will be good enough.  Whether we do good or bad, nothing seems to make any difference’.  Murmurs and whispers of agreement rippled through the group as they decided that they too would give up and go home.

Just as the crowd were about to leave the field, a voice came out of nowhere. It was a young girl who had accompanied her mother to the field and had sat listening to those around her, telling their stories of woe.  What she had heard though, was different than what the rest of the crowd seem to have heard.  She spoke to the first man and asked him where his millions of pounds had gone? I gave it all away to charity he says and now, I have nothing left for myself. The young girl smiled.  My mother, she says, has never even made one million, but she made me.

So what? Says the man.  Your mother is like the rest of us, she just didn’t make it, didn’t work hard enough, if you is all she made, for what have you achieved? The young girl stopped for a moment, deep in thought.  She then set about, giving each member of the the two million strong crowd, a trillion sided dice. Everyone looked at the curious object in their hand which seemed to have no purpose whatsoever and wondered what the girl was doing.  ‘I want you to take that die’ she said, and throw it up in the air.  Reluctantly, each human threw up the die and let it land in front of them.  ‘Now’ says the young girl, ‘I want you to look at the number that the die has landed on and compare it to the person next to you.  As the crowd did this, everyone in the crowd confirmed that the the die had landed on a different side to that of their neighbour.

‘Well’ she went on, the chances of all two million of you getting the same number on one throw of a trillion sided die is pretty slim isn’t it? Absolutely, the whole crowd agreed.  ’That would take an absolute miracle” says the first man, ’So, what is your point’ he said, growing impatient and yet a little curious.  ‘Imagine if you had all thrown that die ten times into the air’ she said ‘and that each of those ten times, it landed on the same side for all of you’ she smiled softly into the crowd. ‘You would then have discovered the odds, the chances of you being born as you, to your parents, on that date, as who you are’. The crowd silenced as the enormity of these odds dawned on them.  Each human is a miracle and yet, the majority of people do not realise that and they set about their life, trying to perfect what already is.

It is so easy, to seek and search for a purpose for our existence and to miss the miracle of life itself.  Life is in fact a miracle that no one has of yet discovered the answer to or the beginnings of and miracles seem to produce miracles.  Miracles seem to involve very little planning and a lot of chance encounters and happenings and the only purpose they seem to have is to multiply, continue and grow. You are not only a result of that miracle, you are that still that miracle.

So it seems, the purpose of life is to really continue onwards, in various shapes, forms and guises.  Life is impersonal, neutral and absolutely magical in its capabilities to find ways to continue.  It found you didn’t it? It gave rise to you, sitting here, reading this, waking up to your uniqueness, your magnificence! And if you are reading this, it is likely that somewhere along the way, you have spent many moments talking your way out of it, forgetting that you are life itself and believing that you are insignificant. Maybe you forget that for others too?Excerpt taken from my upcoming book, How not to die before your’e dead

To spend time trying to convince others not to die is perfectly understandable. Losing people we care deeply about is painful. Consider this though, when someone is considering whether or how to end their life, their pain is so severe that they can’t see any alternative way to end the pain. Their pain is caused by layers of thought that just won’t seem to go away, no matter how much they try to make it disappear. Do your best not to add to their pain by asking them to live. Someone living for the sake of others is not living at all, it’s existing. Instead, listen to them, without judgment, with complete acceptance and allow them to not talk too, allow the silence. Be gentle with them and with yourself too. Notice your fear of them dying and ask yourself if thats the emotion that your’e reaching out with or are you reaching out with love, for love holds no fear. They have to be the one who see’s the infinite value of their life. They cannot find that value through your own eyes, only theirs and we lessen the chance of them finding it when we are showing them the value that we hold for them. The added burden of shame, blame and guilt for the pain we are putting on others makes for a heavy veil, that hides our true value out of sight.

Does this mean that we have to have less conversations about suicide? No, we shouldn’t be waiting to have these conversations at all. But when we are having conversations about suicide, remember to have conversations about living, really living and stay curious. Resist the urge to put words into the mouth of the other. The transference of our own thoughts is unhelpful. What someone suffering is looking for is not more thought, but a rest from thought, a quieter mind and that cannot be found by giving them your thoughts to consider too. A sense of ease and peace cannot be found in a busy mind, it can only be found in silence. Giving another more to think about, more to consider with their painful thinking, is the least helpful thing we can do and comes from our own insecurity, for our own seeking to quieten our own mind.

If you or someone you know would like to find a quieter mind, please get in touch. It’s only one thought away. There are reasons to be hopeful

 

Overcoming Overthinking

Overcoming Overthinking

Many people are looking for a cure for their busy mind, for their Overthinking! What they are not realising is that they already have one!

The feelings we get when we have a busy mind are here FOR us and are not working against us. The feelings we get when we are Overthinking are a reminder, a nudge from mind that we are Overthinking.  Feelings like tiredness, heaviness, anxiety, stress, anger, frustration and so on.  But often it is the feelings that people are looking to cure, to release, to rid themselves of and not the busy mind itself.

What happens is one of two things:

People try to organise all of their ‘thoughts’ into categories of priority or importance in a bid to focus, or, they try to rid themselves of the negative thoughts.

These would be perfectly logical steps if controlling our thoughts was possible. Unfortunately, contrary to most psychological theories, it is in fact impossible. However, how unfortunate is that in reality? Lets look a little closer.

If in fact it were possible to control our thoughts, possibility would shrink.  You just would not be able to think what you don’t already know.  It just wouldn’t occur to you to have a thought that you did not know about.  You would stick to the same old thoughts, day in, day out, believing that those are the thoughts available to you, or that those are the thoughts that serve you best and even those are the thoughts you are stuck with.  Can you relate?

In fact, this is more common than we realise.  It’s called ‘habitual thinking’.  It’s thinking that sticks, forms neuro-pathways in our brain and these thoughts often become our default. It is the very fact that we believe we are in control that prevents us from noticing new fresh thinking, new ideas, new perspectives.  If control of our thoughts was truly possible, Einstein would not have realised his theories, no new inventions would have been thought up and personal growth would not be a thing.

Furthermore, our mistaken belief that we get to control our thinking causes friction.  Yes, we are actually trying to work against our own mind, our own universal mind. I did this for years.  In my quest to feel better, to rid myself of depression and anxiety, I tried to have better thoughts, more positive thoughts.  In essence, I simply took a shitty spoon to my mind and stirred it up, creating resistance.  Resistance to mind energy feels unpleasant, feels difficult, stiff somehow, scary even.  I really wanted to get rid of that feeling and so I stirred some more. I failed to understand that the feelings were trying to tell me something. There is wisdom in the feeling!

Whilst all of the thought was being stirred by me, I had very little chance to look into mind and catch a fresh new thought.

Fresh new thinking started to appear though, when I saw insightfully that I couldn’t change anything, that I aren’t that powerful.  I gradually put down the shitty spoon and stopped stirring more often and I noticed other options, other thoughts that hadn’t occurred to me before.  New fresh thinking emerges naturally, floats to the surface more readily when we allow mind to settle.  In essence, what happened was this: I surrendered!

I surrendered to not having control.  I surrendered to not being able to change how I feel.  I realised that although I felt bad, I couldn’t die from a feeling, but, perhaps I could die from trying to do something about a feeling – think drugs, food, suicide.  Yes, suicide was a constant thought for me and I even surrendered to the okayness of that.  I accepted that I felt suicidal because I realised that if I was capable of changing that thought and feeling, after 8 years, I would surely have done so.

Like magic, I began to feel lighter, relieved of a burden that I had been carrying around for most of my life.  I began to slip out of the habitual thinking that I had had to rely on previously because my mind had been too busy and messy form me to notice anything other.  Thoughts such as ‘I have to feel better’, ‘I have to try harder’, ‘I am not enough’ suddenly started to look less solid and real.  New thoughts like ‘it isn’t true that you’re not good enough’ accompanied with a lightness and deep knowing arose and I started to see that my innate state is peace and calm.  Furthermore, I saw that my innate state is more readily available when I am not trying to achieve it.  It was the ‘trying to achieve it’ that was causing the ‘felt disturbance’.  I was swimming against the tide of my mind!

This is the human condition, the condition of you too.  The illusion is real and in a world where we are taught to control more and more often, we rarely get chance to give up the resistance.  On those occasions where we are calm, we believe it is because we have done something right; loved enough, been loved enough, worked hard enough for today, made enough money.  But non of that is true.

Feeling calmer, more loving, more at peace is ALWAYS because we have allowed it to emerge.  We have given up the fight in our mind and accepted this moment for what it is.

Miracles emerge from this place, from this space in our mind that is accepted and allowed.  Fresh new thinking, a better feeling, can all be along at any moment when we let go of control.  Even more wonderful, energy starts to resume, bodies and Minds can heal and restore and our whole world can change without hardly anything changing at all  <3

I invite you to surrender, to let go and to accept that you aren’t in control.  I know that you wouldn’t be self harming with your own thoughts if you fully knew that is what you were doing! Who would?! 7.6 billion humans wondering the earth trying to make themselves feel better so that they can live a fulfilled and happy life.  THAT, is a whole lot of Overthinking.

Imagine the whole raft of possibility if we start to let go!

Imagine the leaders who would relax enough to love and lead a little more!

Imagine the relationships that would be deepened!

Imagine the amount of compassion that would arise for ourselves and others with the simple realisation that we are already enough in this moment!

Imagine the ideas that would be given space to be actioned!

Again, I invite you to surrender, to give up the internal battle, to put down your shitty spoon and discover what emerges for you <3

Creating Miracles

Creating Miracles

Creating Miracles is something that we all do but we rarely notice. Ordinary life, is a perspective of life looking ordinary. But life is nothing short of extraordinary.  Even sitting here right now, reaching out to you with my words, it’s pure alchemy! I mean, how can this even be? Want an example of what I am pointing to? Here goes:

My partner was here a moment ago.  I know that because before he left, he walked up to me, bent over and kissed me on the cheek.  He then left the room and for all I know, he never even existed at all.  He certainly doesn’t exist right now, in this room, in my experience of this room! Not beyond these words that I am writing, is an actual experience of Stephen available to me. Of course, I have memories of his existence a moment ago, but, those moments are no longer moments, they’re past moments.  Stephen and my experience of him, is simply made of megapixels of thought and those thoughts, are powered by Mind! Not only that, but even in the moment he was actually here, that was thought too!

Now for the Miracle

If you cast your Mind back to 14.8 Billion years ago, what existed before that moment? What? You didn’t exist? Are you sure? I mean. don’t you know that you are the Universe and from where you came? Of course you don’t, because you were created in an image separate from the Universe, or, so it appears.  However, the illusion of being separate, being anything other than the Universe, is the exact illusion that stops you experiencing your non separate self, your Oneness.

But 14.8 Billion years ago there was nothing, no thing and within a moment, there was a Universe and ever since then, it has continued to expand, to grow, to gather momentum and to create.  Everything [Every thing] is an extension of that one moment of creation, is part of that moment, arises from that moment, in fact, is still that moment.  Yet, it doesn’t seem that way! Scientists are searching for matter and cannot find it, instead, what they find as they look closer, look deeper, is space, is nothing.

Yes, we are here, having an experience that seems to conclude that matter does exist, however, when understood in conjunction with the totality of experience being purely thought, then we can begin to realise that we are the Universe, having an individual experience of itself. In fact, the Universe is having billions of different experiences in any one moment.  It is imploding and exploding and creating miracle upon miracle.  The mountains, the clouds, the oceans, all life forms, are examples of Universal experience and when we meet those experiences, we can only realise  them from our own unique and personal perspective. As if that alone isn’t enough of a miracle, we are then free to realise that we too, are creating miracles.

The trouble is, miracles are often so ordinary that we fail to notice their miraculous nature. This brings me on to my second point

Miracles are Everywhere

I sat down to write this 4 days ago. I have no clue from where the idea came, other than it came through me, not from me. I had a sudden urge to write about what I do, what I help others create and the process that I teach others to harness, the principles from where miracles arise!

Half way through, I was in flow, writing, creating and then suddenly, I wasn’t. I had no idea how to continue.  I had lost the thread of this conversation and my message was unclear. I didn’t have the words. I noticed Overthinking emerging, recognisable by the heavy feeling of struggle.  Fortunately, I understand more deeply now that to sit and try to force something through layers of thought is tiring, exhausting in fact, when done regularly and for long periods.  Mind just doesn’t work that way. I cannot control an energy of which I actually  have no control. It would not be my most productive use of time and would take far too much effort.  I also know that effort is overrated.  After all, I spent the majority of my life putting in effort with variable results and so, if effort was the defining factor of doing great work, producing great ideas and honing my skills, I would have mastered ‘effort’ by now. So, I saved the article to drafts and got on with my life.

But I am here now, not even knowing the exact words in advance, but trusting that as I type this, words emerge. I was sitting in the garden this morning drinking my first cup of tea of the day.  It’s now Sunday 15th July 2018 here in the UK, 4 days after I first started to write.  I reached for my Mac without thinking and began to type.  I had an awareness unfolding as I was doing so, but that awareness was light, peaceful and confident, rather than the heavy form it had taken 4 days previously when I put this work down. Because you see, we are made of and from consciousness, a formless energy that creates all things and Mind is the gateway, the formless gateway that brings consciousness to life and the only thing that prevents us from knowing that, is effort in the shape of thought.  Overthinking is resistance to what is.  It is resistance to our true nature that gets in the way of our true nature and seeing this for ourselves enables us to relax.  The heavy lifting of creating isn’t our job and when we see it is taken care of, we can simply get on with life and trust instead that whatever is to be done, will be.

Now that in itself is a miracle isn’t it? The very fact of being able to experience life coming though you, to understand that you have less to do than you might have realised, is a relief.  If you want an example, I’m sure you have lots.

Do you have amazing ideas in the shower? Or when out for a walk? Or when you’re out with your friends and family and something suddenly pops into your Mind that you hadn’t considered before? Have you noticed that your best ideas simply come through when you have nothing on your Mind? They arise from presence, from the gaps between thought!

Or maybe you have lost your keys or your glasses or your phone and no matter where you look, you just cannot find them.  Later in the day you may find those keys in the fridge and wonder what the hell they are doing there! You see, the more we ‘think’ about a problem, or rather, the more effort we put into ‘thinking’ about a problem, the cloudier the solution will become.  Oh the solution is there! It’s always available, but, the solution lies in the space, the gaps between thought, not in ‘thought’ itself.  We cannot think our way our of a thinking problem!

Instead, what we can do is realise that.  We can notice the effort, the feeling of thinking being heavy and then understand that what that feeling is actually telling us is that we don’t need to do that. The Universe, aka YOU, doesn’t  have to put in effort to think when we realise that thinking is a natural phenomena that simply arises. Instead, we can let thinking arise naturally and in the meantime, the right idea, a fresh new idea, a new thought will arise.  Now isn’t that miraculous too?

The Final Miracle

If you’re still with me right now, or even if you aren’t, I want to take you back to your Universal self, the place from where we started at the beginning of this.  I want to nudge you in the other direction, to who you really are and remind you of your magnificence. You can throw yourself back into life and notice that YOU in fact are the ultimate miracle and from where everything in your life arises! YOU are the ONE that is here, having a very human experience, regardless of what that is and that as you see this more and more, you will see that you get to create anything!

You don’t need to manifest when you realise that you are manifestation itself and that manifesting is your natural state.  You don’t need to grind away until it hurts at a business or job, relationships or life in order to keep it going when you realise that creating is what you do naturally.  Neither do you need to put in tonnes of effort to enjoy business and to get outstanding results when you realise that peace, joy and wellbeing are what you do best and from where you create best and these too are your natural state.

YOU also don’t need to worry about forgetting all of this, but understand that from time to time you will.  It seems to me that we are not designed to see this 100% of the time or else we would.  We are having a human experience and that experience feels separate, distinct and actually enables us to want to connect with other humans, thus ensuring that the human race goes on, evolves.  In other words, the Universe continues to expand through us and with us! This in and of itself, seems part of the Miraculous nature of well, your nature!

Above all, you don’t need to be afraid that you will create the wrong experience.  You can embrace it and realise that you are here to create, to allow creation and you are going to forget and remember, according to your state of Mind and how seriously you are taking the ‘power of thought’ in any given moment.

Life is only happening right now! Miracles only happen right now! I love walking my clients gently towards this experience, towards embracing the miracle that they are and so encouraging them to allow more miracles in from Mind.  I have seen humans stop wanting to commit suicide and instead embrace their miraculous self.  I have seen business leaders move from charging £800 to £10,000 for their services in a matter of months and I have seen humans fall in love with their partners all over again, simply by realising that they are the manifestation of love itself. In all of these cases, the distinguishing factor, the difference that makes the difference is that they realise that their power to create is innate and so is their wellbeing, peace of Mind, joy, ability to wake up and propensity to go back to sleep.  In other words, they realise for themselves that creating miracles is part of their everyday and ordinary life!

What miracles are you creating that you’re not noticing?