Why do I Procrastinate? I looked at my client and smiled and said ‘Because you’re pure wisdom and wisdom knows when you’re moving away from the truth of who you really are’ She looked at me and stayed quiet. In the stillness, I could sense our connection to Universal Energy, to Source and I simply enjoyed the moment, whilst my client, sitting across from me, I could see was feeling it too, the presence. I could also see that she was searching for something to say and so I gently reminded her to allow the feeling and to enjoy it. Words can come later
My clients question about procrastination is a common one and the answer becomes ever more clear and simple to me. When we forget who we really are, our true nature and that our peace of mind is innate, we make psychological attempts to prove ourselves. We start trying to control how we feel, sometimes by taking an action or even by not taking an action. Before we know it, we are out of sync with life and we can’t quite decide what we should be doing or where to start. We might try even harder to gain control and make decisions that were previously already made. We catch hold of every thought that passes through our Mind and since the average human has around 60,000 a day, that’s a lot of thoughts to be noticing and meddling with and long term will lead to exhaustion and potentially more serious physically symptoms and chronic illnesses.
Symptoms of Procrastination
We don’t have to do anything about procrastination, other than recognise the symptoms. Rather, procrastination, like any feeling, is an indication of our state of Mind in that given moment. Procrastination is a trip switch, a clever hack that nature has gifted us to warn us the we are going off track and we have simply forgotten that. The symptoms of procrastination are often confusion, impatience, forgetfulness,indecisiveness, boredom and a lack of concentration. The reason for these feelings is that Mind is gently trying to nudge you to let go of making the decision, doing the thing or thinking about it. Mind is reminding us that we don’t have to ‘think’ because Mind does the ‘thinking’ for us.
How to stop Procrastinating?
How can you stop procrastinating? By recognising that you are and seeing that all humans do it naturally and all humans slip out of it naturally too. We don’t have to stop procrastinating when we understand that procrastination is a signal that we are overthinking. The only thing that makes sense in that case is to stop and I mean stop trying too! The human Mind is built to clear naturally if we surrender to that fact and let it pass. In the meantime, maybe you might choose to find something else to do instead or even take a rest, go for a walk, spend time with people you love and allow yourself to slip gently back into presence. When our Mind clears, the sun is back out and peace is resumed, creativity takes hold and decisions come effortlessly, from that deep place of knowing
I saw my client two weeks after that session and she greeted me with news of just how effortless business had been lately. She described how being in flow and making designs for her team, wasn’t something she had given any thought to whatsoever, rather, it had just seemed to happen. ‘Anyone would think we are governed by Universal Energy and that life is easy after all’ I said with a smile. She grinned back at me and winked ‘It is’ <3
Keep Life Simple has become a mantra of mine, not because life is complicated, but, because it can sometimes seem like it is. Relationships, work, finances and having anything resembling a social life can seem like it entails lots of negotiating, planning for, working towards and thinking about. It looked like that to me for most of my adult life, until I realised that I was simply over-complicating matters.
In fact, the fact that it seemed complicated to do, was one of the main things that prevented me from making moves to simplify my life. Take for instance, my move to self employment and becoming a Coach. Wow, now, that was one major complication and one that took me two years to see the simplicity that was always right there in front of me! Here is how it went:
Im now a coach and everyone will want coaching when they see the benefits! So, how do I show them the benefits? Well, I speak to everyone I possibly can about coaching of course…….*watches as everyone disappears out of the room when they see me coming*. Hmmmm, ok, so I’ll give marketing a go, I mean, marketers say it works so I’m pretty sure that I will be earning 6 figures in no time!! I learn how to do Facebook ads, start a Facebook group, talk about coaching all over Social Media……..*watches as absolutely nothing happens other than a few likes on some posts*
You see, no one can really understand the benefits of coaching until they’ve experienced it because it has such a personal impact. I really started to see this after 18 month of slogging away and making only £250. Yes, you read that right, £250 in nearly 18 months. It wasn’t a business at all, it wasn’t even a hobby, it was a bad habit, something that I just refused to fail at and kept going because I didn’t want people to think of me as a failure. I had no concept then of how actually, what other people thought of me was simply their imagined version of me and could not possibly impact me. It really looked like it could. Not only that, it looked like my own failure was impacting me too. I was stressed, not sleeping and contemplating suicide daily. I mean, really contemplating suicide, until one day, I found myself in a hotel room in London, believing that I was making suicide my reality, I was actually going to do it and at last, I had found a way of doing it so that my family would suffer less. They wont even know it was suicide because it would look like a tragic accident.
Anyway, I will save that story for another time, because, here I am and what I found, starting that evening, was Service <3 Yes, it was a slow discovery and it was months later when I worked with a coach, to help me make sense of it. I just had an inkling that actually, I hadn’t been helping people at all, I had been ‘selling’ to them. A natural mistake to make I know, but, a mistake nevertheless.
Selling only crosses my mind now when Im feeling insecure! Instead, I am in service. Not just in my business, but in life. In my personal relationships with my partner, my friends, family, colleagues, clients, everyone and that includes myself! Selling my coaching is unnecessary when I am in service. I help people uncover their own misunderstanding and shift their life and they want to pay me for that.
There is nothing for me to do other than those things that I want to do. I have gradually dispensed of ‘should do’s’ and ‘need to do’s’ and in doing so, discovered that my life was full of those. I discovered space and now I want to do the things that I do. I write, I see, I work out, I spend time with the people that I love, I help others, I travel, I spend more time in joy and less time in striving. My mind isn’t full of ways to manage a to do list and so its cleared the way to live in service!
You see, I might have these odds slightly wrong, but, they aren’t far off; there is a 300 trillion to one chance of you being born as you!!! You could have been born as anyone, but no, you were born as you!! Odds like that don’t happen for nothing! There is a reason you were born as you and that reason is, that is your purpose, to be you! There isn’t any need for you to search for your purpose, you ARE it! Right now, you’re it! <3
Live each moment knowing that! Speak from that! Listen from that space. There isn’t much else to do, other than exactly what you want to do, that is service. You see, to be in service to others, we have to first be in service to ourselves! We have to see that we aren’t here to multi-task, strive harder and do more. We are here to do, to create, with Grace and joy!
Allow other people that same Grace. Slow down and rid your life of ‘should do’s’ and and lovingly and honestly let them know that they can too. Hold their hand and show them, guide them, speak to them and listen to them and remember, in doing so, listen to you!
As I gradually realised the truth of this, my life shifted gear, along with my personal relationships and my business relationships. This is where I work from, serve from, that place! There is no need to to worry about who I should be, could be, would rather be, because, I am me and showing up that way, I am able to help others see their truth too! Living from integrity takes the need to manage our lives off the table and allows us to somehow to slow down whilst doing more of what we love <3
Keep life simple and in service to yourself, reflect on your to do list and remove all of those ‘should’s and needs’. The chances are, they can wait, or can be done by someone else, or even, not done at all.
How to be happy is a topic that I find crops up almost every day with not only my clients but with friends, family and colleagues. Despite being a coach, it still never fails to surprise me when during conversation, it becomes obvious that others are purposefully avoiding happiness yet openly pursuing it. Oh, the irony! Indeed, I myself have lived this way for most of my life, not recognising that I had the capacity to always be healthy and well because healthy and well is my natural state. Learning of the principles behind clarity and how thought affects our experience in any given moment was my catalyst to begin to access success. Success in my relationships, business, health, infact, in all areas of my life. As my grounding in the principles deepens, my experiences of and in life lift, become lighter and brighter, yours can too.
Speaking to a friend of mine recently whom I had not seen for around 10 years and she was telling me, quite intently, of her dreams, her future goals and her great aspirations. Whilst she was using such phrases as “I cannot wait until…..” and “Everything will be great when….”. I sat quietly and just listened to her future plans and how some day, when she had everything she wanted, life would be great. “Of course” she explained, “after such a stressful and sad time following the divorce, I know I just need to get back on my feet and then I can follow my own dreams”. Whilst I wholeheartedly agree that space to greave is definitely a good place to start following any such traumatic life event, whether it be divorce or death, I quietly asked her why she believes that ‘being back on her feet’ is a future event? She stopped right there and I sensed her understanding shift as her realisation of the fact that there was nothing preventing her from being happy now, impacted her. My emotion mirrored hers as I felt her heart swell, I was right there with her, connected and feeling love.
Most of course, do move forward and go on to live happy healthy lives, but, there are some who, for one reason or another, do not. It is so easy to get stuck in resentment and pain and embody that pain as their identity. Before they know it, they are unknowingly playing out the role of being victims of their thinking, however, would you ever dare point this out? I would advise caution and instead, simply point them gently to their inner connection, their innate wellbeing, with love and empathy.
You see, very few people really want or enjoy being a victim or even recognise that they are. Often, when stuck in their grief and pain, it is due to fear, guilt and anxiety rather than need or desire and the fact that we are simply feeling our thinking from moment to moment. That is both our human gift and our failing. Our ability to think, conceptualise, form perceptions and weigh up possibilities does not always afford us the freedom we would assume that it does. We all at some time, lose someone whether it be death or the end of a relationship and we experience a whole host of emotions and although this is perfectly natural and normal, to stay for longer than necessary in those emotions is not healthy.
My friend for instance, her divorce was finalised over 3 years ago and the relationship had broken down 18 months beforehand. Although there are no set rules for how long the grieving process should or can take, over 4 and a half years later, one could be closer to becoming comfortable with the idea. There could be an element of acceptance and a mellowing of the emotions rather than the raw pain experienced in those early days. An inability to deal with or move through grief extends stress and anxiety and can mentally paralyse the person experiencing such emotions.
An understanding of Clarity and it’s principles can help to move someone through this process and towards a settled state. Thought is always the culprit. Once we understand how the mind operates and that emotion is borne of thought, it easier to gain an isight into how people get stuck in their own grief. Emotions are powerful and the effects are often physical, leaving one in pain. This cycle can feel scary and almost always leads to further pain and further thoughts. Our thought though, is neutral and says nothing about the actual experience, until we think it does. Thought is a perception of actual reality and not a mirror of reality as we might assume.
Being able to take a break from thought is a huge help and most people do this naturally in a reasonable amount of time. Even the briefest break from thought can be helpful and doesn’t always have to be noticed. In fact, often, these small breaks occur naturally when distracted by conversation with others, social events, work and so on and gradually extend themselves for longer periods, giving the mind that much needed rest from the chatter and a natural recovery ensues. Understanding that we are only ever living in the present moment, for that is the only moment we have, can help thought to begin to drop away and bring space for fresh thought. Along with that come new opportunities, new thought, new perspectives on experiences in the moment and space to continue to connect with our own innate health and wellbeing.
If you recognise that someone you know is or may be suffering in this way, one of the kindest and most loving things you can do is to reach out and connect with them. Listen to what they have to say without judgement and really hear their message and show that deep level of understanding that they so need.
We are human, thought created feeling is one the traits of humanity, but, it can also be drawback. Once we get a deep understanding of how our mind works, we can change our inner peace. We then know in our essence that losing someone does not signal the end of a connection with a loved one, for that will always remain. We are after-all, each connected to each other and learning to appreciate that we live in the present moment, we can really begin to experience that connection.
The all illusive question, how to be happy following a difficult and upsetting experience does not lie in the future, the answers are always in the present. One of the commonest thoughts to prevent happiness is blame. Blaming a partner for ending a relationship or blaming oneself for not being able to save it, is not rare. But if thoughts don’t move on to acceptance, at some point, the feelings created by remaining in that blame state are often anger or guilt and or any other number of insecure thoughts and feelings.
We are always acting in accordance to what our own perceptions of the world are and perceptions are illusions. Someone else’s perceptions of the same situation may be totally different and so how do we resolve this? Well certainly, we can argue it out and try to work out who is right and who is wrong, however, both or all parties are right as we can do no more than act in accordance to that which we perceive to be true or correct. Knowing this, really gaining an insight into the principles brings clarity and makes it easier to see how these misunderstandings arise and can in turn alleviate guilt, anger and blame. In fact, we are all subject to the same misunderstanding and so in this vein, we are innocent of blame. What you experience, perceive, is true for you, therefore, that is the only truth available in that moment. Another or a different truth is however, only a thought away and opens up the possiblity for a whole new and different experience.
If you are interested in finding out more about Clarity and the underpinning principles to help support yourself or someone you know through a difficult and traumatic time you can email me on email@example.com