Do you want a quick and easy transformation hack that you can take away right now, implement and feel an immediate benefit? Yes? Me too! In fact, one of the main problems that gets in the way of transformation is exactly that – our impatience, our unwillingness to sit in the pain and discomfort. Your desire to be free right now is the thing that prevents you from experiencing freedom right now!
Quick and easy transformations do happen, I have experienced and witnessed many. I have seen clients the day after our first session who suddenly look ten years younger. I have witnessed and experienced sudden and unexpected financial upgrades and I have seen and experienced physical and mental illness melt away and return to wellness. They are the unexpected ahaaa moments. The fleeting insights. The sudden changes of perspective that lead to a deep knowing that life isn’t a serious business after all and that the sole, or rather soul purpose of your existence is for you to be. Its the deep recognition that you are enough!
The majority of people don’t feel like they are enough though. If that is you, stay with me for a moment.
How much money, time, effort, do you spend in a day, a week, a month, or even a year to be happy?
That was a question that I started to ponder several years ago. I was in an extraordinary (for me anyway) amount of debt and I felt such a failure. The thing is though, I was convinced that getting out of debt was where true liberation lay. For so long, it never occurred to me that seeking what I already had, was the very thing that had led me to such a predicament in the first place.
I hadn’t always been in debt of course. There was a time when I was financially viable. I had a great career that I loved. I had two children that were and still are the best things I have ever created. I had holidays, cars, DIY projects and a home. I had friends, plenty of high heels, expensive makeup, the best face creams and so on. I had an endless list of things that I was consuming, all to feel better.
The one thing I lacked though, was a feeling of deep satisfaction and a feeling of deep satisfaction was the one thing I was looking for. It was the feeling that I was seeking. The irony is, I did have moments like that, they just weren’t permanent. Those moments were followed by an underlying desire to feel deeply satisfied once more and this is how I jumped into the rabbit hole of despair without even knowing that I was in it.
Fast forward a few years, I had grown tired, unwell in many ways, both physically and mentally. The career that I so loved, started to look bleak, exhausting, impossible to maintain. Working seventy hour weeks was becoming unsustainable and so maybe it wasn’t the career for me after all? My performance suffered, as did my performance in other areas of my life. I wasn’t spending enough time with my family, but, surely I would if only I could nail this? The problem with that was, my constant exhaustion levels were preventing me from ‘nailing’ anything. Ultimately, my marriage crumbled, my work suffered, depression arose, my body was fatigued and it felt like at only 37, this was the life I was destined for after all.
It was eight years later that I finally realised that I could no longer fight for my happiness, that I could not find any strength within me to fight for living a life I loved. I couldn’t find any strength within me to die to that either. I simply had nothing left. I resigned myself to being a human who had nothing to offer, nothing to give to my relationships, to myself and that would have to be enough. It happened just like that!
Ok, not just like that. I happened to be on another course in London, miles away from home, learning how to make money from a coaching business when I heard something so profound that it shifted my life immediately. How funny is that? Here I was, in so much debt that I couldn’t even bare to think about it and I had all of these beliefs that I would fail, that I do always fail and that nothing can change. Beliefs that ran so deep and looked so true that I believed I had actually give up trying. Yet there I was, in London still trying, without even noticing that I was still trying? Even reading that back, trying to understand what I have just said, makes me giggle.
Now here is the miracle. Well, actually, I have already pointed to the miracle but it is worth repeating. I had given up. And yet, I hadn’t. I was still in life, trying to hold on. The course I was on was teaching exactly that, although, I really did not know that’s what I had signed up for. I can still hear my mentors voice from the front of the room, explaining that he is teaching a new psychology. A psychology that is so invisible, that it can only be experienced in real time, right now. He spoke about how we have an innate capacity to thrive, to feel love, peace, harmony and the only thing getting in our way is a simple misunderstanding that we had to do something to gain those states of mind and change our feelings.
I could see his point, in a vague kind of way. I could see where perhaps that was relevant to me sometimes, in some areas, but, every time he said that this is universally true for every single human, my mind came up with an argument, a reason for it not being true for me because of this circumstance or that circumstance.
Alone in my hotel room that evening, I sank into bed, weary from the life I had been living so far and tired from the turmoil of the day, from the nightmare of thinking that I had just used up my last chance to freedom. Next week, I would probably go bankrupt and lose my home.
Lying there, falling into that sleeping space, I was just about nearly there, nearly in nothingness, my body still and glad not to be holding me together.
The sound of the fire alarm in the distance moved slowly to the forefront of my mind and initially, nothing registered but the shrill bell. Nothing! The sound meant nothing to me other than the fire alarm was ringing
I realised that. I realised that I didn’t care that the alarm was ringing. To me, it wasn’t an alarm, a call to action, it was simply a noise, a noise that was neutral. I closed my eyes once more as it dawned on me that the neutrality of the alarm was fitting and that I was lying there listening without feeling anything at all. For so long I had wanted to feel nothing at all. I had spent thousands of pounds on drugs and alcohol trying to feel nothing at all after realising that I’d spent thousands of pounds on other stuff, trying to feel happy, satisfied and free. Feeling nothing at all suddenly felt welcome. It was weightless, lighter than I had ever experienced before and so I stayed there. I remained in bed, hearing scuffles in the corridor and frantic voices rushing past the door as humans made their way out of the building. I on the other hand, had nowhere to go. I had no desire to remove myself from the bed and work myself into a frenzy trying to run from a sound that was simply sounding.
I was almost drifting back to sleep when a thought occurred to me. It was a thought that stirred me into wakefulness, a thought so unexpected that rather than move me to action, it left me there, dazed and pondering why that thought had arisen out of the silence of my empty and neutral mind. It wasn’t the thought itself that I was pondering, rather, the lack of feeling attached and following the thought. It was this:
‘If you die here, in this hotel fire, you are still okay, you are still enough’
My mind giggled at that. Literally, I found myself smiling at not worrying whether I lived or died, not being concerned at about either of those options. It wasn’t that I wanted to die, but that I didn’t not want to die. Maybe this was the first time in so long that I had wanted nothing. I noticed my mind flitting back to the alarm and back again to that singular thought and I giggled again. Without any conscious awareness, I found myself out of bed, running down the stairs and making my way through the hotel reception and having no clue as to what I was running from or too. I was becoming aware though of this feeling of okayness, a feeling of thriving, of shining even. Moment by moment, it grew deeper, spreading throughout me in real time. I felt amazing! I felt so alive in that moment.
Just as I was about to fall through the revolving door in reception, my pace was broken by the hotel receptionist placing his arm on my shoulder and shouting frantically “Miss, Miss, its a false alarm” I turned around to him, completely naked, peels of laughter and the most joyous tears running down my face. The receptionist on the other hand, looked pretty shocked, embarrassed and was unsure where to look. He proceeded to take off his jacket and offer it to cover my naked body. I just smiled, thanked him, whist still laughing out loud and steadily made my way back to my room. He followed me, looking awkward and confused but I could also see his curiosity about what the woman before him was doing, being, experiencing.
I wish I could remember the hotel, but, booking it a couple of days earlier, my mind was so busy when I booked it, I done so, mindlessly. I sometimes wonder what he thought, what he made of this woman taring her way through reception naked. As he fumbled to open the door to my room to let me back in, he commented that the alarm had been ringing for nearly 15 minutes and all of the other guests had come down immediately and returned to bed way before I had. “You are so lucky Miss”, he said, still not daring to take his eyes from my face for fear he might look at my nakedness.
Thanking him, I fell onto the bed and lay there, smiling a smile that seemed to reach my soul. Or maybe, I thought, thats where the smile is coming from. I had many insights that night and these have continued. The biggest for me though, was that I had spent so much time, energy and effort trying to be someone, that I had failed to notice the human that I have always been.
I didn’t make any promises to myself that night, in fact, I never have since. I didn’t promise to get myself out of debt, or find a way of building a successful coaching business. I didn’t promise to stop spending money or to stop wanting to die. I didn’t promise to never be depressed again or to never be anxious or to not work seventy hour weeks. I didn’t promise a single thing as I realised fully in that moment that all of the promises that I had ever made to myself were an attempt to be feel ok and the only thing preventing me from being ok was that I thought I had to work at it.
Being ok is my natural state, yours too and when we realise that deeply, we no longer have anything to do to be ok. Instead we simply be ok.
I woke up the next morning still in that state of deep peace. I thought about the debt, the possibility of getting my house repossessed and still, I knew that I was whole and complete and that non of my circumstances were responsible for the years of despair I had been in. What was responsible for that despair was that I had been chasing a feeling that is already my birthright
Over the coming months, everything seemed to change and the things that didn’t, either didn’t matter or else I didn’t mind that they didn’t change. I have been taking humans on this same journey ever since. I sit by and watch humans die to themselves, only to discover who they really are.
When another soul listens for their truth with their soul, they find it. Outside of that is simply belief. The essence of life, even of human life is energy. It’s universally true for all life. Without energy, there would be nothing to power your heartbeat, your breath, or any of your bodily functions. So why is it that we think we have to power our mind? or our lives? Because it sometimes looks and feels like we have to.
Waking up to your true nature allows you to step down from the hamster wheel for a moment. How can anything be created when we are so busy creating enough steam to stay on the hamster wheel? Do you create your ideas or do they simply appear in your mind? Do you control how others perceive you or does that perception appear in their own mind? DO you create love or does love simply show up?
You don’t create this power, this life force, this universal energy, you are made of it and you are going to experience it and have an experience of it. I say this to many people and it’s worth repeating here:
No one ever died from a feeling. So many humans die from trying to do something about a feeling.
A feeling is feeling and changes shape. It moves around, it comes and goes, it ebbs and flows, as energy does naturally. Our feelings are our road map. They are our personal alarm to wake us from the illusion that we are anything other than peace. love and connection. Our feelings are an indicator that we are seeing life clearly or we are not. It really is that simple.
So, how much money, time and energy are you spending on your transformation? How much money, time and energy are you spending on fixing a feeling that is transient if you allow it to ebb and flow?
And finally, how would you like to discover for yourself that you are not broke, dysfunctional, mentally il, after all? How would you like to discover and connect with your own innate health and wellness so that you can do so anytime?
A Year of Miracles begins over the next few weeks. I will be spending 12 months personally mentoring and coaching a circle of women who are ready to step off the hamster wheel and discover how to create and live a miraculous life. You can too. For more information and to see what is entailed, click the link here
Many people are looking for a cure for their busy mind, for their Overthinking! What they are not realising is that they already have one!
The feelings we get when we have a busy mind are here FOR us and are not working against us. The feelings we get when we are Overthinking is a reminder, a nudge from mind that we are Overthinking. Feelings like tiredness, heaviness, anxiety, stress, anger, frustration and so on. But often it is the feelings that people are looking to cure, to release, to rid themselves of and not the busy mind itself.
What happens is one of two things:
People try to organise all of their ‘thoughts’ into categories of priority or importance in a bid to focus, or, they try to rid themselves of the negative thoughts.
These would be perfectly logical steps, if, controlling our thoughts was possible. Unfortunately, contrary to most psychological theories, it is in fact impossible. However, how unfortunate is that in reality? Lets look a little closer.
If in fact it were possible to control our thoughts, possibility would shrink. You can’t think what you don’t know! It just wouldn’t occur to you to have a thought that you did not know about. You would stick to the same old thoughts, day in, day out, believing that those are the thoughts available to you, or that those are the thoughts that serve you best and even those are the thoughts you are stuck with. Can you relate?
In fact, this is more common than we realise. It’s called ‘habitual thinking’. It’s thinking that sticks, forms neuro-pathways in our brain and these thoughts are often become our default. It is the very fact that we believe we are in control that prevents us from noticing new fresh thinking, new ideas, new perspectives.
Furthermore, our mistaken belief that we get to control our thinking causes friction. Yes, we are actually trying to work against our own mind, our own universal mind. I did this for years. In my quest to feel better, to rid myself of depression and anxiety, I tried to have better thoughts, more positive thoughts. In essence, I simply took a shitty spoon to my mind and stirred it up, creating resistance. Resistance to mind energy feels unpleasant, feels difficult, stiff somehow, scary even. I really wanted to get rid of that feeling and so I stirred some more. I failed to understand that the feelings were trying to tell me something. There is wisdom in the feeling!
Whilst all of the thought was being stirred by me, I had very little chance to look into mind and catch a fresh new thought.
Fresh new thinking started to appear though, when I saw insightfully that I couldn’t change anything, that I aren’t that powerful. I gradually put down the shitty spoon and stopped stirring more often and I noticed other options, other thoughts that hadn’t occurred to me before. New fresh thinking emerges naturally, floats to the surface more readily when we allow mind to settle. In essence, what happened was this: I surrendered!
I surrendered to not having control. I surrendered to not being able to change how I feel. I realised that although I felt bad, I couldn’t die from a feeling, but, perhaps I could die from trying to do something about a feeling – think drugs, food, suicide. Yes, suicide was a constant thought for me and I even surrendered to the okayness of that. I accepted that I felt suicidal because I realised that if I was capable of changing that thought and feeling, after 8 years, I would surely have done so.
Like magic, I began to feel lighter, relieved of a burden that I had been carrying around for most of my life. I began to slip out of the habitual thinking that I had had to rely on previously because my mind had been too busy and messy form me to notice anything other. Thoughts such as ‘I have to feel better’, ‘I have to try harder’, ‘I am not enough’ suddenly started to look less solid and real. New thoughts like ‘it isn’t true that you’re not good enough’ accompanied with a lightness and deep knowing arose and I started to see that my natural state is peace and calm. Furthermore, I saw that my natural state is more readily available when I am not trying to achieve it. It was the ‘trying to achieve it’ that causing the ‘felt disturbance’. I was swimming against the tide of my mind!
This is the human condition, the condition of you too. The illusion is real and in a world where we are taught to control more and more often, we rarely get chance to give up the resistance. On those occasions where we are calm, we believe it is because we have done something right; loved enough, been loved enough, worked hard enough for today, made enough money. But non of that is true.
Feeling calmer, more loving, more at peace is ALWAYS because we have allowed it to emerge. We have given up the fight in our mind and accepted this moment from what it is.
Miracles emerge from this place, from this space in our mind that is accepted and allowed. Fresh new thinking, a better feeling, can all be along at any moment when we let go of control. Even more wonderful, energy starts to resume, bodies and Minds can heal and restore and our whole world can change without hardly anything changing at all <3
I invite you to surrender, to let go and to accept that you aren’t in control. I know that you wouldn’t be self harming with your own thoughts if you fully knew that is what you were doing! Who would?! 7.6 billion humans wondering the earth trying to make themselves feel better so that they can live a fulfilled and happy life. THAT, is a whole lot of Overthinking.
Imagine the whole raft of possibility if we start to let go!
Imagine the leaders who would relax enough to love and lead a little more!
Imagine the relationships that would be deepened!
Imagine the amount of compassion that would arise for ourselves and others with the simple realisation that we are already enough in this moment!
Imagine the ideas that would be given space to be actioned!
Again, I invite you to surrender, to give up the internal battle, to put down your shitty spoon and discover what emerges for you <3
How to be happy is a topic that I find crops up almost every day with not only my clients but with friends, family and colleagues. Despite being a coach, it still never fails to surprise me when during conversation, it becomes obvious that others are purposefully avoiding happiness yet openly pursuing it. Oh, the irony! Indeed, I myself have lived this way for most of my life, not recognising that I had the capacity to always be healthy and well because healthy and well is my natural state. Learning of the principles behind clarity and how thought affects our experience in any given moment was my catalyst to begin to access success. Success in my relationships, business, health, infact, in all areas of my life. As my grounding in the principles deepens, my experiences of and in life lift, become lighter and brighter, yours can too.
Speaking to a friend of mine recently whom I had not seen for around 10 years and she was telling me, quite intently, of her dreams, her future goals and her great aspirations. Whilst she was using such phrases as “I cannot wait until…..” and “Everything will be great when….”. I sat quietly and just listened to her future plans and how some day, when she had everything she wanted, life would be great. “Of course” she explained, “after such a stressful and sad time following the divorce, I know I just need to get back on my feet and then I can follow my own dreams”. Whilst I wholeheartedly agree that space to greave is definitely a good place to start following any such traumatic life event, whether it be divorce or death, I quietly asked her why she believes that ‘being back on her feet’ is a future event? She stopped right there and I sensed her understanding shift as her realisation of the fact that there was nothing preventing her from being happy now, impacted her. My emotion mirrored hers as I felt her heart swell, I was right there with her, connected and feeling love.
Most of course, do move forward and go on to live happy healthy lives, but, there are some who, for one reason or another, do not. It is so easy to get stuck in resentment and pain and embody that pain as their identity. Before they know it, they are unknowingly playing out the role of being victims of their thinking, however, would you ever dare point this out? I would advise caution and instead, simply point them gently to their inner connection, their innate wellbeing, with love and empathy.
You see, very few people really want or enjoy being a victim or even recognise that they are. Often, when stuck in their grief and pain, it is due to fear, guilt and anxiety rather than need or desire and the fact that we are simply feeling our thinking from moment to moment. That is both our human gift and our failing. Our ability to think, conceptualise, form perceptions and weigh up possibilities does not always afford us the freedom we would assume that it does. We all at some time, lose someone whether it be death or the end of a relationship and we experience a whole host of emotions and although this is perfectly natural and normal, to stay for longer than necessary in those emotions is not healthy.
My friend for instance, her divorce was finalised over 3 years ago and the relationship had broken down 18 months beforehand. Although there are no set rules for how long the grieving process should or can take, over 4 and a half years later, one could be closer to becoming comfortable with the idea. There could be an element of acceptance and a mellowing of the emotions rather than the raw pain experienced in those early days. An inability to deal with or move through grief extends stress and anxiety and can mentally paralyse the person experiencing such emotions.
An understanding of Clarity and it’s principles can help to move someone through this process and towards a settled state. Thought is always the culprit. Once we understand how the mind operates and that emotion is borne of thought, it easier to gain an isight into how people get stuck in their own grief. Emotions are powerful and the effects are often physical, leaving one in pain. This cycle can feel scary and almost always leads to further pain and further thoughts. Our thought though, is neutral and says nothing about the actual experience, until we think it does. Thought is a perception of actual reality and not a mirror of reality as we might assume.
Being able to take a break from thought is a huge help and most people do this naturally in a reasonable amount of time. Even the briefest break from thought can be helpful and doesn’t always have to be noticed. In fact, often, these small breaks occur naturally when distracted by conversation with others, social events, work and so on and gradually extend themselves for longer periods, giving the mind that much needed rest from the chatter and a natural recovery ensues. Understanding that we are only ever living in the present moment, for that is the only moment we have, can help thought to begin to drop away and bring space for fresh thought. Along with that come new opportunities, new thought, new perspectives on experiences in the moment and space to continue to connect with our own innate health and wellbeing.
If you recognise that someone you know is or may be suffering in this way, one of the kindest and most loving things you can do is to reach out and connect with them. Listen to what they have to say without judgement and really hear their message and show that deep level of understanding that they so need.
We are human, thought created feeling is one the traits of humanity, but, it can also be drawback. Once we get a deep understanding of how our mind works, we can change our inner peace. We then know in our essence that losing someone does not signal the end of a connection with a loved one, for that will always remain. We are after-all, each connected to each other and learning to appreciate that we live in the present moment, we can really begin to experience that connection.
The all illusive question, how to be happy following a difficult and upsetting experience does not lie in the future, the answers are always in the present. One of the commonest thoughts to prevent happiness is blame. Blaming a partner for ending a relationship or blaming oneself for not being able to save it, is not rare. But if thoughts don’t move on to acceptance, at some point, the feelings created by remaining in that blame state are often anger or guilt and or any other number of insecure thoughts and feelings.
We are always acting in accordance to what our own perceptions of the world are and perceptions are illusions. Someone else’s perceptions of the same situation may be totally different and so how do we resolve this? Well certainly, we can argue it out and try to work out who is right and who is wrong, however, both or all parties are right as we can do no more than act in accordance to that which we perceive to be true or correct. Knowing this, really gaining an insight into the principles brings clarity and makes it easier to see how these misunderstandings arise and can in turn alleviate guilt, anger and blame. In fact, we are all subject to the same misunderstanding and so in this vein, we are innocent of blame. What you experience, perceive, is true for you, therefore, that is the only truth available in that moment. Another or a different truth is however, only a thought away and opens up the possiblity for a whole new and different experience.
If you are interested in finding out more about Clarity and the underpinning principles to help support yourself or someone you know through a difficult and traumatic time you can email me on email@example.com