In an ever changing world, it can sometimes feel hard to keep up with the constant movement. On an average day, this can be true but what happens on those days that we meet big life changing events such as relationship breakups, trauma of some sort or bereavement and so on? Stay with me, there are reasons to be hopeful.
Usually, we find something within us that enables us to go on through the darkest of times. Ok, it’s probably a horrible experience, uncomfortable, painful, terribly upsetting and stressful, but somehow, we get through each moment and live into the next moment. Have you ever wondered why that is?
I did and what I discovered was that I had within me, something that I had spent so many years hardly noticing because I had been too busy trying to get through the chaos of life. I found an innate and unmeasurable quality that I had had available to me all along. In fact, it is the abundance of this quality that made it invisible. A fish has no concept that it is swimming in water.
I discovered resilience. You have probably heard that term before and will have varying degrees of understanding of what it really means, but your understanding of what it really means cannot be quantified in words and definitions. It can only really be experienced in real time. Resilience can be noticed when you stop for a moment and wonder, with open curiosity and without providing yourself with an answer, just how you have survived so much. Resilience an be found during those moments of reflection when you notice that life is moving on regardless and that you are still in it. Maybe you’re not fully in it yet, you could just be treading water, that is ok. Don’t wonder about the treading water, instead, how wondrous is it that you can tread water?
So, what is that exactly, the abundant source of resilience that carries us forward on life regardless of our circumstances? It is the source that many scientists and spiritual teachers are researching? It is consciousness. Pure awareness. Awareness cannot be aware of itself, its is simply aware. Trying to be aware of awareness is like trying to look at the back of your head, or making attempts to look at your eyeball with your eyeball. It is an impossible task.
To be aware of awareness, we would need to be separate from awareness and although we have the illusion of separation, we don’t have the reality of it. We are so at one with awareness that it is impossible to stand back and really get a good view of it. The best we can do is to feel it, to feel our aliveness carrying us onwards, even in those moments we don’t feel we can go on.
Consciousness is just one of the principles that I point my fellow humans to when they’re at the point of despair, because realising that they are in fact consciousness rather than it being something that they can access, is a huge relief. People automatically stop trying to change their felt experience and instead are free to focus on facts, solving problems, creating and bringing new ideas into the world, loving others and really serving themselves and people around them. The tiniest glimpse of our true nature allows us space to calibrate back to peace of mind.
I would love to hear form you. What would you do if you realised that being you is easy?
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I promise, there are reasons to be hopeful. Your very presence is one of them <3
I see you, in plain view, hiding on Social Media
I see you with your gorgeous smile that doesn’t even reach you
I see you, leading and being and pretending that you can’t
I see you, wearing a filter and wishing that you were that
I see you, rushing and tidying up life and missing your purpose
I see you and your million and one things, faces and places, ignoring the one place where your real face is
I see you, pretending to taste but swallowing it whole
I see you, missing your magic and jumping down the hole
I see you, wanting to rest but not daring do
I see you, because, me too
I see you, looking at the lense and waiting for the flash
I see you, with aching cheeks, tired eyes, wishing you had a pass
I see you, behaving like everything is normal
I see you, waiting for your obituary to become formal
I see you, waiting to breathe out and not seeing this is the moment
I see you, believing your life is dormant
I see you now, waking up and wondering
I see you now, reading these words and the insight that’s forming
I see you, noticing the space and realising that its yours
I see you, yearning to embrace, to cherish and adore
I see you and your true nature and the game you’ve been playing
I see you, your innocence and you’re simple not knowing
I see you, the realisation arising that now is your time
I see you, your frown lines dissolving, bullshit melting
I see you, your magnificence, your ordinary life
I see you, just being here with me now, not caring that this doesn’t rhyme
I see you, realising that maybe you are a creator
I see you, mulling over the messiness and forgetting later
I see you, accepting all that you are
I see you, taking off the mask that you think kept you safe so far
I see you, taking a chance that I might be right
I see you, turning your gaze to your light
I see you, noticing that real life is just beginning
I see you, loving and honouring and winning!
I see you, coming undone
I see you, now go and be you and have fun!
This is for all of you who are ready to take off the mask and realise your innate power. It’s for all of you humans who haven’t yet played full out with your potential. It’s for all of you humans who are playing at leading and are ready for more. You are already it! There is less to do than you think
The qualities of a great leader, I am discovering are pretty similar worldwide. Or rather, when I googled this question, most content listed the same or similar traits as significant.
No doubt you may have your own ideas of what a leader looks like or what they might do and the qualities they possess to make them so. These idea’s or concepts are what you use to decide whether you yourself are a good leader. It’s your inner Leadership Template! If you fit the template, that is great news and it’s likely that you identify with those qualities, they are prevalent in your working life and you have little doubt as to how to lead or whether your leadership is effective. But, if you don’t fit that template, whether you are in a position of leadership or would like to be, you’re likely to be struggling and wondering how you can mould yourself into the Leadership Template!
Either way, the fact is, any idea that humans have of a ‘Leadership Template’ made of qualities, concepts and ideas, is likely to be way off what an actual great leader would define themselves as. Fitting ourselves into a ‘template’ is not actually the best way for us to even grow or develop into a great leader. Certainly, the qualities that most conceive as desirable in a leader, are not the stuff that leaders are made of and are not available to them 100% of the time. Leadership it seems, like everything else in life, is a moment to moment experience.
So, what are these qualities anyway you may be wondering. The most common are things like: confidence, authenticity, integrity, generosity, insightfulness, decisiveness, positivity. They all sound plausible don’t they? In fact, they really sound like the qualities that I myself would love but sometimes, these qualities seem to evade me. When I delved further though, I found some surprising qualities on the list like: restlessness, even wonkiness. Im not even sure what wonkiness means? Although, I can guess, because, sometimes I have wonky days too.
That got me thinking! These qualities, they sound like traits that every human I have ever met has within them. There is nothing that I came across that I could rule out as not being available to me or you. Obviously, there is something missing from the equation that we aren’t noticing.
It was the last session with one of my wonderful clients yesterday. She is the CEO of a global organisation and when we started to work together she had questions that she wanted answers to. She was unsure of whether to move on to something new. Her organisation had gone through a huge change over the last few years and it was taking it’s toll on. She felt anything but the amazing leader that she is! She was making decisions for everyone and rather than growing in the direction that she had hoped, the question she needed to ask herself was whether to continue and risk her health, relationships and sanity, or whether to bail out, find something new and start again.
Throughout our time together, she has recognised her decisiveness, her confidence, her integrity, her authenticity, generosity and positivity but what she also noticed was these qualities weren’t as available to her in every moment and she wanted them back! What she was actually experiencing was her wonkiness and restlessness. Now, according to sources, restlessness and wonkiness are desirable, but to my client, they were anything but!
The real source of good Leadership
Fast forward 6 months and she has stripped her organisation back, stripped her ‘self’ back. She has uncovered glitches that were clogging up the system. She had unearthed what needed to be unearthed and she has rejigged and reshaped a structure that she had been trying with all her might to contain and keep in place. She is in Service!
As we reflected last night on her journey over the last 6 months, she recognised how scary this had been. How she had moments where it looked like everything she had worked so hard for was simply crumbling and that she had failed. It had seemed to her that it was her job to keep it all together and during the last few years. she had worked harder, longer and faster to try to do so! Working that way was not enabling her to be and remain in Service. Being in Service requires your best ‘self’ to show up whenever its available but it also requires you to know that even when it doesn’t show up, it’s still there!
Being in Service is exactly how any and every Great Leader continues their mission and is able to bring forward their decisiveness, confidence, integrity, generosity and authenticity, even when these qualities seem to have deserted them!
Finally my client said the difference that really made the difference was understanding her true nature and noticing, in real time, the ebb and flow of her felt experience, of life!
Really seeing for herself that a Leader will have a range of feelings, including not feeling like a Leader and when this seems true, it has the potential to affect her ability to lead. In fact, this is what happened over the last twelve months, until it gradually dawned on her that during each and every session, we were able to discover those qualities and let them shine.
What my client now has is a refreshed global organisation that she is excited about leading and furthermore, she knows that she is fully equipped for the job! She works less, gets more done and has a better quality of balance in all areas of life, including her relationships and health. All of the qualities listed above are prevalent and available to her in any given moment, but for her insecurity. The desirable qualities in fact, are symptoms rather than causes! They’re symptoms of our moment to moment experience. When she remains in Service to her ‘self’, she naturally calibrates and readjusts and her best ideas, her genius, her fresh thinking has emerged from that place. Being in ‘Service’ to her ‘self’ has benefitted her whole organisation, her personal relationships and her zest fro life!
When we start to understand that our moment to moment experience of life is transient, changeable and not fixed at all, we start to understand why those qualities, or any other qualities, come and go. Life isn’t made of fixed, permanent unchangeable moods or feelings. It is made of fleeting, changeable and variable feelings, moment to moment to moment. Knowing this has enabled her to see just how much she was doing to try and change a feeling and whilst she was doing that, she wasn’t able to access her best ideas, her natural ability to connect and her resilience. She was in fact fighting invisible fires.
Surprisingly for her, but actually not so for me, my client has discovered her inner and innate resilience! She is now conscious, aware and awake to life more of the time and she understands that she gets to listen to her wisdom! Her inner sat nav is her feelings in any given moment. The knowing that the feeling is a reminder of how close or how far away she is walking from her true nature, her inner leader and it is beckoning her to return to her centre has been pivotal.
An insecure feeling is never a warning or sign that we are actually insecure, useless and need to work harder and faster. Neither is it an indication of failure or wrong doing. Our insecurity, whether it is in the form of fear, anxiety or a gentle for-boding, is in fact calling out to us that we are forgetting that we are enough in this moment. The more we ignore this inner sat nav, the louder it will beep! It is trying to keep us on course.
It was so good to see my client fully aware of her centre, of her resilience, health and wellbeing and the joy shining through her smile was a reminder to me why I do this work!
When your inner leader deserts you, remember that it’s simply buried beneath the chaos of an insecure feeling and there is nothing that you need to do to beckon it to return! What you could do instead is remember that the real signs of a good leader is your inner knowing and connectedness to your innate wisdom and resilience and the awareness that in this very moment, you are enough. That is the difference that makes the difference. That is why some Leaders naturally lead and some Leaders never lead at all. It’s because those that never become Leaders, aren’t aware that it is innate and that they can!
Go on, unleash your inner Leader!
Creating Miracles is something that we all do but we rarely notice. Ordinary life, is a perspective of life looking ordinary. But life is nothing short of extraordinary. Even sitting here right now, reaching out to you with my words, it’s pure alchemy! I mean, how can this even be? Want an example of what I am pointing to? Here goes:
My partner was here a moment ago. I know that because before he left, he walked up to me, bent over and kissed me on the cheek. He then left the room and for all I know, he never even existed at all. He certainly doesn’t exist right now, in this room, in my experience of this room! Not beyond these words that I am writing, is an actual experience of Stephen available to me. Of course, I have memories of his existence a moment ago, but, those moments are no longer moments, they’re past moments. Stephen and my experience of him, is simply made of megapixels of thought and those thoughts, are powered by Mind! Not only that, but even in the moment he was actually here, that was thought too!
Now for the Miracle
If you cast your Mind back to 14.8 Billion years ago, what existed before that moment? What? You didn’t exist? Are you sure? I mean. don’t you know that you are the Universe and from where you came? Of course you don’t, because you were created in an image separate from the Universe, or, so it appears. However, the illusion of being separate, being anything other than the Universe, is the exact illusion that stops you experiencing your non separate self, your Oneness.
But 14.8 Billion years ago there was nothing, no thing and within a moment, there was a Universe and ever since then, it has continued to expand, to grow, to gather momentum and to create. Everything [Every thing] is an extension of that one moment of creation, is part of that moment, arises from that moment, in fact, is still that moment. Yet, it doesn’t seem that way! Scientists are searching for matter and cannot find it, instead, what they find as they look closer, look deeper, is space, is nothing.
Yes, we are here, having an experience that seems to conclude that matter does exist, however, when understood in conjunction with the totality of experience being purely thought, then we can begin to realise that we are the Universe, having an individual experience of itself. In fact, the Universe is having billions of different experiences in any one moment. It is imploding and exploding and creating miracle upon miracle. The mountains, the clouds, the oceans, all life forms, are examples of Universal experience and when we meet those experiences, we can only realise them from our own unique and personal perspective. As if that alone isn’t enough of a miracle, we are then free to realise that we too, are creating miracles.
The trouble is, miracles are often so ordinary that we fail to notice their miraculous nature. This brings me on to my second point
Miracles are Everywhere
I sat down to write this 4 days ago. I have no clue from where the idea came, other than it came through me, not from me. I had a sudden urge to write about what I do, what I help others create and the process that I teach others to harness, the principles from where miracles arise!
Half way through, I was in flow, writing, creating and then suddenly, I wasn’t. I had no idea how to continue. I had lost the thread of this conversation and my message was unclear. I didn’t have the words. I noticed Overthinking emerging, recognisable by the heavy feeling of struggle. Fortunately, I understand more deeply now that to sit and try to force something through layers of thought is tiring, exhausting in fact, when done regularly and for long periods. Mind just doesn’t work that way. I cannot control an energy of which I actually have no control. It would not be my most productive use of time and would take far too much effort. I also know that effort is overrated. After all, I spent the majority of my life putting in effort with variable results and so, if effort was the defining factor of doing great work, producing great ideas and honing my skills, I would have mastered ‘effort’ by now. So, I saved the article to drafts and got on with my life.
But I am here now, not even knowing the exact words in advance, but trusting that as I type this, words emerge. I was sitting in the garden this morning drinking my first cup of tea of the day. It’s now Sunday 15th July 2018 here in the UK, 4 days after I first started to write. I reached for my Mac without thinking and began to type. I had an awareness unfolding as I was doing so, but that awareness was light, peaceful and confident, rather than the heavy form it had taken 4 days previously when I put this work down. Because you see, we are made of and from consciousness, a formless energy that creates all things and Mind is the gateway, the formless gateway that brings consciousness to life and the only thing that prevents us from knowing that, is effort in the shape of thought. Overthinking is resistance to what is. It is resistance to our true nature that gets in the way of our true nature and seeing this for ourselves enables us to relax. The heavy lifting of creating isn’t our job and when we see it is taken care of, we can simply get on with life and trust instead that whatever is to be done, will be.
Now that in itself is a miracle isn’t it? The very fact of being able to experience life coming though you, to understand that you have less to do than you might have realised, is a relief. If you want an example, I’m sure you have lots.
Do you have amazing ideas in the shower? Or when out for a walk? Or when you’re out with your friends and family and something suddenly pops into your Mind that you hadn’t considered before? Have you noticed that your best ideas simply come through when you have nothing on your Mind? They arise from presence, from the gaps between thought!
Or maybe you have lost your keys or your glasses or your phone and no matter where you look, you just cannot find them. Later in the day you may find those keys in the fridge and wonder what the hell they are doing there! You see, the more we ‘think’ about a problem, or rather, the more effort we put into ‘thinking’ about a problem, the cloudier the solution will become. Oh the solution is there! It’s always available, but, the solution lies in the space, the gaps between thought, not in ‘thought’ itself. We cannot think our way our of a thinking problem!
Instead, what we can do is realise that. We can notice the effort, the feeling of thinking being heavy and then understand that what that feeling is actually telling us is that we don’t need to do that. The Universe, aka YOU, doesn’t have to put in effort to think when we realise that thinking is a natural phenomena that simply arises. Instead, we can let thinking arise naturally and in the meantime, the right idea, a fresh new idea, a new thought will arise. Now isn’t that miraculous too?
The Final Miracle
If you’re still with me right now, or even if you aren’t, I want to take you back to your Universal self, the place from where we started at the beginning of this. I want to nudge you in the other direction, to who you really are and remind you of your magnificence. You can throw yourself back into life and notice that YOU in fact are the ultimate miracle and from where everything in your life arises! YOU are the ONE that is here, having a very human experience, regardless of what that is and that as you see this more and more, you will see that you get to create anything!
You don’t need to manifest when you realise that you are manifestation itself and that manifesting is your natural state. You don’t need to grind away until it hurts at a business or job, relationships or life in order to keep it going when you realise that creating is what you do naturally. Neither do you need to put in tonnes of effort to enjoy business and to get outstanding results when you realise that peace, joy and wellbeing are what you do best and from where you create best and these too are your natural state.
YOU also don’t need to worry about forgetting all of this, but understand that from time to time you will. It seems to me that we are not designed to see this 100% of the time or else we would. We are having a human experience and that experience feels separate, distinct and actually enables us to want to connect with other humans, thus ensuring that the human race goes on, evolves. In other words, the Universe continues to expand through us and with us! This in and of itself, seems part of the Miraculous nature of well, your nature!
Above all, you don’t need to be afraid that you will create the wrong experience. You can embrace it and realise that you are here to create, to allow creation and you are going to forget and remember, according to your state of Mind and how seriously you are taking the ‘power of thought’ in any given moment.
Life is only happening right now! Miracles only happen right now! I love walking my clients gently towards this experience, towards embracing the miracle that they are and so encouraging them to allow more miracles in from Mind. I have seen humans stop wanting to commit suicide and instead embrace their miraculous self. I have seen business leaders move from charging £800 to £10,000 for their services in a matter of months and I have seen humans fall in love with their partners all over again, simply by realising that they are the manifestation of love itself. In all of these cases, the distinguishing factor, the difference that makes the difference is that they realise that their power to create is innate and so is their wellbeing, peace of Mind, joy, ability to wake up and propensity to go back to sleep. In other words, they realise for themselves that creating miracles is part of their everyday and ordinary life!
What miracles are you creating that you’re not noticing?
Why do I Procrastinate? I looked at my client and smiled and said ‘Because you’re pure wisdom and wisdom knows when you’re moving away from the truth of who you really are’ She looked at me and stayed quiet. In the stillness, I could sense our connection to Universal Energy, to Source and I simply enjoyed the moment, whilst my client, sitting across from me, I could see was feeling it too, the presence. I could also see that she was searching for something to say and so I gently reminded her to allow the feeling and to enjoy it. Words can come later
My clients question about procrastination is a common one and the answer becomes ever more clear and simple to me. When we forget who we really are, our true nature and that our peace of mind is innate, we make psychological attempts to prove ourselves. We start trying to control how we feel, sometimes by taking an action or even by not taking an action. Before we know it, we are out of sync with life and we can’t quite decide what we should be doing or where to start. We might try even harder to gain control and make decisions that were previously already made. We catch hold of every thought that passes through our Mind and since the average human has around 60,000 a day, that’s a lot of thoughts to be noticing and meddling with and long term will lead to exhaustion and potentially more serious physically symptoms and chronic illnesses.
Symptoms of Procrastination
We don’t have to do anything about procrastination, other than recognise the symptoms. Rather, procrastination, like any feeling, is an indication of our state of Mind in that given moment. Procrastination is a trip switch, a clever hack that nature has gifted us to warn us the we are going off track and we have simply forgotten that. The symptoms of procrastination are often confusion, impatience, forgetfulness,indecisiveness, boredom and a lack of concentration. The reason for these feelings is that Mind is gently trying to nudge you to let go of making the decision, doing the thing or thinking about it. Mind is reminding us that we don’t have to ‘think’ because Mind does the ‘thinking’ for us.
How to stop Procrastinating?
How can you stop procrastinating? By recognising that you are and seeing that all humans do it naturally and all humans slip out of it naturally too. We don’t have to stop procrastinating when we understand that procrastination is a signal that we are overthinking. The only thing that makes sense in that case is to stop and I mean stop trying too! The human Mind is built to clear naturally if we surrender to that fact and let it pass. In the meantime, maybe you might choose to find something else to do instead or even take a rest, go for a walk, spend time with people you love and allow yourself to slip gently back into presence. When our Mind clears, the sun is back out and peace is resumed, creativity takes hold and decisions come effortlessly, from that deep place of knowing
I saw my client two weeks after that session and she greeted me with news of just how effortless business had been lately. She described how being in flow and making designs for her team, wasn’t something she had given any thought to whatsoever, rather, it had just seemed to happen. ‘Anyone would think we are governed by Universal Energy and that life is easy after all’ I said with a smile. She grinned back at me and winked ‘It is’ <3
Keep Life Simple has become a mantra of mine, not because life is complicated, but, because it can sometimes seem like it is. Relationships, work, finances and having anything resembling a social life can seem like it entails lots of negotiating, planning for, working towards and thinking about. It looked like that to me for most of my adult life, until I realised that I was simply over-complicating matters.
In fact, the fact that it seemed complicated to do, was one of the main things that prevented me from making moves to simplify my life. Take for instance, my move to self employment and becoming a Coach. Wow, now, that was one major complication and one that took me two years to see the simplicity that was always right there in front of me! Here is how it went:
Im now a coach and everyone will want coaching when they see the benefits! So, how do I show them the benefits? Well, I speak to everyone I possibly can about coaching of course…….*watches as everyone disappears out of the room when they see me coming*. Hmmmm, ok, so I’ll give marketing a go, I mean, marketers say it works so I’m pretty sure that I will be earning 6 figures in no time!! I learn how to do Facebook ads, start a Facebook group, talk about coaching all over Social Media……..*watches as absolutely nothing happens other than a few likes on some posts*
You see, no one can really understand the benefits of coaching until they’ve experienced it because it has such a personal impact. I really started to see this after 18 month of slogging away and making only £250. Yes, you read that right, £250 in nearly 18 months. It wasn’t a business at all, it wasn’t even a hobby, it was a bad habit, something that I just refused to fail at and kept going because I didn’t want people to think of me as a failure. I had no concept then of how actually, what other people thought of me was simply their imagined version of me and could not possibly impact me. It really looked like it could. Not only that, it looked like my own failure was impacting me too. I was stressed, not sleeping and contemplating suicide daily. I mean, really contemplating suicide, until one day, I found myself in a hotel room in London, believing that I was making suicide my reality, I was actually going to do it and at last, I had found a way of doing it so that my family would suffer less. They wont even know it was suicide because it would look like a tragic accident.
Anyway, I will save that story for another time, because, here I am and what I found, starting that evening, was Service <3 Yes, it was a slow discovery and it was months later when I worked with a coach, to help me make sense of it. I just had an inkling that actually, I hadn’t been helping people at all, I had been ‘selling’ to them. A natural mistake to make I know, but, a mistake nevertheless.
Selling only crosses my mind now when Im feeling insecure! Instead, I am in service. Not just in my business, but in life. In my personal relationships with my partner, my friends, family, colleagues, clients, everyone and that includes myself! Selling my coaching is unnecessary when I am in service. I help people uncover their own misunderstanding and shift their life and they want to pay me for that.
There is nothing for me to do other than those things that I want to do. I have gradually dispensed of ‘should do’s’ and ‘need to do’s’ and in doing so, discovered that my life was full of those. I discovered space and now I want to do the things that I do. I write, I see, I work out, I spend time with the people that I love, I help others, I travel, I spend more time in joy and less time in striving. My mind isn’t full of ways to manage a to do list and so its cleared the way to live in service!
You see, I might have these odds slightly wrong, but, they aren’t far off; there is a 300 trillion to one chance of you being born as you!!! You could have been born as anyone, but no, you were born as you!! Odds like that don’t happen for nothing! There is a reason you were born as you and that reason is, that is your purpose, to be you! There isn’t any need for you to search for your purpose, you ARE it! Right now, you’re it! <3
Live each moment knowing that! Speak from that! Listen from that space. There isn’t much else to do, other than exactly what you want to do, that is service. You see, to be in service to others, we have to first be in service to ourselves! We have to see that we aren’t here to multi-task, strive harder and do more. We are here to do, to create, with Grace and joy!
Allow other people that same Grace. Slow down and rid your life of ‘should do’s’ and and lovingly and honestly let them know that they can too. Hold their hand and show them, guide them, speak to them and listen to them and remember, in doing so, listen to you!
As I gradually realised the truth of this, my life shifted gear, along with my personal relationships and my business relationships. This is where I work from, serve from, that place! There is no need to to worry about who I should be, could be, would rather be, because, I am me and showing up that way, I am able to help others see their truth too! Living from integrity takes the need to manage our lives off the table and allows us to somehow to slow down whilst doing more of what we love <3
Keep life simple and in service to yourself, reflect on your to do list and remove all of those ‘should’s and needs’. The chances are, they can wait, or can be done by someone else, or even, not done at all.