Creating Miracles

Creating Miracles

Creating Miracles is something that we all do but we rarely notice. Ordinary life, is a perspective of life looking ordinary. But life is nothing short of extraordinary.  Even sitting here right now, reaching out to you with my words, its pure alchemy! I mean, how can this even be? Want an example of what I am pointing to? Here goes:

My partner was here a moment ago.  I know that because before he left, he walked up to me, bent over and kissed me on the cheek.  He then left the room and for all I know, he never even existed at all.  He certainly doesn’t exist right now, in this room, in my experience of this room! Not beyond these words that I am writing, is an actual experience of Stephen available to me. Of course, I have memories of his existence a moment ago, but, those moments are no longer moments, they’re past moments.  Stephen and my experience of him, is simply made of megapixels of thought and those thoughts, are powered by Mind! Not only that, but even in the moment he was actually here, that was thought too!

Now for the Miracle

If you cast your Mind back to 14.8 Billion years ago, what existed before that moment? What? You didn’t exist? Are you sure? I mean. don’t you know that you are the Universe and from where you came? Of course you don’t, because you were created in an image separate from the Universe, or, so it appears.  However, the illusion of being separate, being anything other than the Universe, is the exact illusion that stops you experiencing your non separate self, your Oneness.

But 14.8 Billion years ago there was nothing, no thing and within a moment, there was a Universe and ever since then, it has continued to expand, to grow, to gather momentum and to create.  Everything [Every thing] is an extension of that one moment of creation, is part of that moment, arises from that moment, in fact, is still that moment.  Yet, it doesn’t seem that way! Scientists are searching for matter and cannot find it, instead, what they find as they look closer, look deeper, is space, is nothing.

Yes, we are here, having an experience that seems to conclude that matter does exist, however, when understood in conjunction with the totality of experience being purely thought, then we can begin to realise that we are the Universe, having an individual experience of itself. In fact, the Universe is having billions of different experiences in any one moment.  It is imploding and exploding and creating miracle upon miracle.  The mountains, the clouds, the oceans, all life forms, are examples of Universal experience and when we meet those experiences, we can only realise  them from our own unique and personal perspective. As if that alone isn’t enough of a miracle, we are then free to realise that we too, are creating miracles.

The trouble is, miracles are often so ordinary that we fail to notice their miraculous nature. This brings me on to my second point

Miracles are Everywhere

I sat down to write this 4 days ago. I have no clue from where the idea came, other than it came through me, not from me. I had a sudden urge to write about what I do, what I help others create and the process that I teach others to harness, the principles from where miracles arise!

Half way through, I was in flow, writing, creating and then suddenly, I wasn’t. I had no idea how to continue.  I had lost the thread of this conversation and my message was unclear. I didn’t have the words. I noticed Overthinking emerging, recognisable by the heavy feeling of struggle.  Fortunately, I understand more deeply now that to sit and try to force something through layers of thought is tiring, exhausting in fact, when done regularly and for long periods.  Mind just doesn’t work that way. I cannot control an energy of which I actually  have no control. It would not be my most productive use of time and would take far too much effort.  I also know that effort is overrated.  After all, I spent the majority of my life putting in effort with variable results and so, if effort was the defining factor of doing great work, producing great ideas and honing my skills, I would have mastered ‘effort’ by now. So, I saved the article to drafts and got on with my life.

But I am here now, not even knowing the exact words in advance, but trusting that as I type this, words emerge. I was sitting in the garden this morning drinking my first cup of tea of the day.  It’s now Sunday 15th July 2018 here in the UK, 4 days after I first started to write.  I reached for my Mac without thinking and began to type.  I had an awareness unfolding as I was doing so, but that awareness was light, peaceful and confident, rather than the heavy form it had taken 4 days previously when I put this work down. Because you see, we are made of and from consciousness, a formless energy that creates all things and Mind is the gateway, the formless gateway that brings consciousness to life and the only thing that prevents us from knowing that, is effort in the shape of thought.  Overthinking is resistance to what is.  It is resistance to our true nature that gets in the way of our true nature and seeing this for ourselves enables us to relax.  The heavy lifting of creating, it isn’t our job and when we see it is taken care of, we can simply get on with life and trust instead that whatever is to be done, will be.

Now that in itself is a miracle isn’t it? The very fact of being able to experience life coming though you, to understand that you have less to do than you might have realised, is a relief.  If you want an example, I’m sure you have lots.

Do you have amazing ideas in the shower? Or when out for a walk? Or when you’re out with your friends and family and something suddenly pops into your Mind that you hadn’t considered before? Have you noticed that your best ideas simply come through when you have nothing on your Mind? They arise from presence, from the gaps between thought!

Or maybe you have lost your keys or your glasses or your phone and no matter where you look, you just cannot find them.  Later in the day you may find those keys in the fridge and wonder what the hell they are doing there! You see, the more we ‘think’ about a problem, or rather, the more effort we put into ‘thinking’ about a problem, the cloudier the solution will become.  Oh the solution is there! It’s always available, but, the solution lies in the space, the gaps between thought, not in ‘thought’ itself.  We cannot think our way our of a thinking problem!

Instead, what we can do is realise that.  We can notice the effort, the feeling of thinking being heavy and then understand that what that feeling is actually telling us is that we don’t need to do that. The Universe, aka YOU, doesn’t  have to put in effort to think when we realise that thinking is a natural phenomena that simply arises. Instead, we can let thinking arise naturally and in the meantime, the right idea, a fresh new idea, a new thought will arise.  Now isn’t that miraculous too?

The Final Miracle

If you’re still with me right now, or even if you aren’t, I want to take you back to your Universal self, the place from where we started at the beginning of this.  I want to nudge you in the other direction, to who you really are and remind you of your magnificence. You can throw yourself back into life and notice that YOU in fact are the ultimate miracle and from where everything in your life arises! YOU are the ONE that is here, having a very human experience, regardless of what that is and that as you see this more and more, you will see that you get to create anything!

You don’t need to manifest when you realise that you are manifestation itself and that manifesting is your natural state.  You don’t need to grind away until it hurts at a business or job, relationships or life in order to keep it going when you realise that creating is what you do naturally.  Neither do you need to put in tonnes of effort to enjoy business and to get outstanding results when you realise that peace, joy and wellbeing are what you do best and from where you create best and these too are your natural state.

YOU also don’t need to worry about forgetting all of this, but understand that from time to time you will.  It seems to me that we are not designed to see this 100% of the time or else we would.  We are having a human experience and that experience feels separate, distinct and actually enables us to want to connect with other humans, thus ensuring that the human race goes on, evolves.  In other words, the Universe continues to expand through us and with us! This in and of itself, seems part of the Miraculous nature of well, your nature!

Above all, you don’t need to be afraid that you will create the wrong experience.  You can embrace it and realise that you are here to create, to allow creation and you are going to forget and remember, according to your state of Mind and how seriously you are taking the ‘power of thought’ in any given moment.

Life is only happening right now! Miracles only happen right now! I love walking my clients gently towards this experience, towards embracing the miracle that they are and so encouraging them to allow more miracles in from Mind.  I have seen humans stop wanting to commit suicide and instead embrace their miraculous self.  I have seen business leaders move from charging £800 to £10,000 for their services in a matter of months and I have seen humans fall in love with their partners all over again, simply by realising that they are the manifestation of love itself. In all of these cases, the distinguishing factor, the difference that makes the difference is that they realise that their power to create is innate and so is their wellbeing, peace of Mind, joy, ability to wake up and propensity to go back to sleep.  In other words, they realise for themselves that creating miracles is part of their everyday and ordinary life!

What miracles are you creating that you’re not noticing?

 

 

Keep Life Simple

Keep Life Simple

Keep Life Simple has become a mantra of mine, not because life is complicated, but, because it can sometimes seem like it is.  Relationships, work, finances and having anything resembling a social life can seem like it entails lots of negotiating, planning for, working towards and thinking about.  It looked like that to me for most of my adult life, until I realised that I was simply over-complicating matters.

In fact, the fact that it seemed complicated to do, was one of the main things that prevented me from making moves to simplify my life.  Take for instance, my move to self employment and becoming a Coach.  Wow, now, that was one major complication and one that took me two years to see the simplicity that was always right there in front of me!  Here is how it went:

Im now a coach and everyone will want coaching when they see the benefits! So, how do I show them the benefits? Well, I speak to everyone I possibly can about coaching of course…….*watches as everyone disappears out of the room when they see me coming*.  Hmmmm, ok, so I’ll give marketing a go, I mean, marketers say it works so I’m pretty sure that I will be earning 6 figures in no time!!  I learn how to do Facebook ads, start a Facebook group, talk about coaching all over Social Media……..*watches as absolutely nothing happens other than a few likes on some posts*

You see, no one can really understand the benefits of coaching until they’ve experienced it because it has such a personal impact.  I really started to see this after 18 month of slogging away and making only £250.  Yes, you read that right, £250 in nearly 18 months.  It wasn’t a business at all, it wasn’t even a hobby, it was a bad habit, something that I just refused to fail at and kept going because I didn’t want people to think of me as a failure.  I had no concept then of how actually, what other people thought of me was simply their imagined version of me and could not possibly impact me.  It really looked like it could.  Not only that, it looked like my own failure was impacting me too.  I was stressed, not sleeping and contemplating suicide daily.  I mean, really contemplating suicide, until one day, I found myself in a hotel room in London, believing that I was making suicide my reality, I was actually going to do it and at last, I had found a way of doing it so that my family would suffer less. They wont even know it was suicide because it would look like a tragic accident.

Anyway, I will save that story for another time, because, here I am and what I found, starting that evening, was Service <3  Yes, it was a slow discovery and it was months later when I worked with a coach, to help me make sense of it.  I just had an inkling that actually, I hadn’t been helping people at all, I had been ‘selling’ to them.  A natural mistake to make I know, but, a mistake nevertheless.

Selling only crosses my mind now when Im feeling insecure! Instead, I am in service.  Not just in my business, but in life.  In my personal relationships with my partner, my friends, family, colleagues, clients, everyone and that includes myself! Selling my coaching is unnecessary when I am in service.  I help people uncover their own misunderstanding and shift their life and they want to pay me for that.

There is nothing for me to do other than those things that I want to do.  I have gradually dispensed of ‘should do’s’ and ‘need to do’s’ and in doing so, discovered that my life was full of those.  I discovered space and now I want to do the things that I do. I write, I see, I work out, I spend time with the people that I love, I help others, I travel, I spend more time in joy and less time in striving.   My mind isn’t full of ways to manage a to do list and so its cleared the way to live in service!

You see, I might have these odds slightly wrong, but, they aren’t far off; there is a 300 trillion to one chance of you being born as you!!! You could have been born as anyone, but no, you were born as you!! Odds like that don’t happen for nothing!  There is a reason you were born as you and that reason is, that is your purpose, to be you!  There isn’t any need for you to search for your purpose, you ARE it! Right now, you’re it! <3

Live each moment knowing that! Speak from that! Listen from that space. There isn’t much else to do, other than exactly what you want to do, that is service.  You see, to be in service to others, we have to first be in service to ourselves!  We have to see that we aren’t here to multi-task, strive harder and do more.  We are here to do, to create, with Grace and joy!

Allow other people that same Grace.  Slow down and rid your life of ‘should do’s’ and and lovingly and honestly let them know that they can too.  Hold their hand and show them, guide them, speak to them and listen to them and remember, in doing so, listen to you!

As I gradually realised the truth of this, my life shifted gear, along with my personal relationships and my business relationships.  This is where I work from, serve from, that place! There is no need to to worry about who I should be, could be, would rather be, because, I am me and showing up that way, I am able to help others see their truth too! Living from integrity takes the need to manage our lives off the table and allows us to somehow to slow down whilst doing more of what we love <3

Keep life simple and in service to yourself, reflect on your to do list and remove all of those ‘should’s and needs’.  The chances are, they can wait, or can be done by someone else, or even, not done at all.

 

Have you woken up in a bad mood?

Have you woken up in a bad mood?

Today I woke up in a bad mood!  This happens sometimes right? We go to bed perfectly fine, but, we wake the next morning and life feels shiz!  Actually, that is NOT what happened, let’s rewind.

I woke up and my first thought was ‘Wow, I slept well, I bet today is going to be a good day‘.  20 minutes later, I was arguing with my partner about I don’t even know what and life felt rubbish!  A series of ‘mini thoughts’ began, all of which, went something like; ‘Ugh, if only I made more money, my life would be much more entertaining‘ and ‘Ugh, I forgot I had run out of milk, now, I am going to have to nip to the shop before getting on a call with my client.  I really should have done this last night.  I always do stuff like this, I am so useless.  If I could learn how to be more organised, my life would be better, easier somehow’

I didn’t actually have time to get to the shop as, by the time I had showered and got dressed, it was time for my call.  The call went great, as in fact it always does.  I love talking to Ross, really listening and connecting with him and finding out where he is at.  A couple of times, I noticed my thought wandering somewhere else, like, ‘I better make sure I get the milk afterwards‘ and ‘I wonder if Ross can tell that I am in a bad mood‘ and then, connection between us would drop.  I asked Ross to repeat what he had just that second said and explained that I had been distracted and I noticed Ross’ face relax.  i guessed that he had in fact noticed that I wasn’t quite present and it had probably confused him, I mean, I normally always listen.  A few minutes later, we were in deep connection, my mind had settled and the time we spent was beautiful, full of plans, ideas and space.

Our state of mind shifts constantly and it’s guided by a universal life flow, a life energy that is beyond our control.  It is the same universal energy that grows trees and keeps our heart beating, drives the ocean waves and moves the earth around the sun.  Try to control it and you’re going to lose!  Ohhh, ok, so, it might appear that you can control it on occasions, you know, mindfulness, meditation, a glass of wine, a blazing row!  All of these things are an attempt to change something that, in that very moment, we are forgetting that we don’t actually control or cause!

My initial assumption that my day was ruined because I had no milk, was me forgetting that not having milk has NO baring on my state of mind and, if it has no baring on it, it cannot change it!  When I forget that, I might (as I did) berate myself for not having milk, for not being organised or caring or bothered and ALL of that, looks and feels like it’s because of the feelings I have.

Then I remember the truth;  My feelings are only ever telling me one thing….that I am feeling thought in the moment!  I am feeling my thinking, not ‘what’ I am thinking about!  I had experienced a shift in mood, in mind, in feeling and I had attributed it to something outside of me, in this case, the lack of milk and the fact that I had been the one who forgot it.  I was lost in my bad mood, however, my call went beautifully, go figure?  I mean, why did the bad mood not affect the quality of the call?

Here’s why; Our state of mind is governed by universal energy and as such, it changes constantly.  Because it was never caused or even about the lack of milk, or in fact, anything else outside of me, it could never be impacted by anything outside of me.  What could have made that call less than it was, is if I had not understood this and had tried to change the mood.  Instead, I just explained my distraction and made an effort to say connected to Ross, to listen and to be in a space with him.  My mood is irrelevant and says nothing about my performance, or my clients or even my partner or the lack of milk.

Now, imagine an electricity current going from one end of the room, to the other.  You know that YOU are not the source of the current right? Of course you do, it’s electricity, its created and governed by exactly the same universal energy that you are governed by.  If you suddenly decided that the electricity was to blame for your mood, would you start to throw water over it? or, put your hand in it? I imagine that to be a resounding No! because, you understand, that’s just not how it works and that you’ll be not only wasting your time doing such a thing, but, it’s not going to be an effective means of getting rid of the current.  In fact, it’s like to make the whole situation worse.

Well, trying to change you thoughts and feelings works on that principle too!  You are putting your fingers in the machinery, when, you don’t actually have to do anything about something that you are not responsible for or the cause of.  That electricity current might look like something beautiful in 5 minutes time, as opposed to something dangerous as it does right now.  Still, it’s not your job to poke around with it.  It’s your job to see that if you leave it alone, you’re still fine anyway, still free to continue going about doing whatever it is you are doing and the results you get, are not dependant on mood, thought, or the electricity current 🙂

Imagine how much time and energy you will have when you see the truth of how life works, how thought and feeling really work and how, non of that can determine what happens today, or any other day! <3

How to be Happy

How to be Happy

How to be happy is a topic that I find crops up almost every day with not only my clients but with friends, family and colleagues.  Despite being a coach, it still never fails to surprise me when during conversation, it becomes obvious that others are purposefully avoiding happiness yet openly pursuing it.  Oh, the irony!  Indeed, I myself have lived this way for most of my life, not recognising that I had the capacity to always be healthy and well because healthy and well is my natural state.  Learning of the principles behind clarity and how thought affects our experience in any given moment was my catalyst to begin to access success.  Success in my relationships, business, health, infact, in all areas of my life.  As my grounding in the principles deepens, my experiences of and in life lift, become lighter and brighter, yours can too.

Speaking to a friend of mine recently whom I had not seen for around 10 years and she was telling me, quite intently, of her dreams, her future goals and her great aspirations.  Whilst she was using such phrases as “I cannot wait until…..” and “Everything will be great when….”.   I sat quietly and just listened to her future plans and how some day, when she had everything she wanted, life would be great.  “Of course” she explained, “after such a stressful and sad time following the divorce, I know I just need to get back on my feet and then I can follow my own dreams”. Whilst I wholeheartedly agree that space to greave is definitely a good place to start following any such traumatic life event, whether it be divorce or death, I quietly asked her why she believes that ‘being back on her feet’ is a future event?  She stopped right there and I sensed her understanding shift as her realisation of the fact that there was nothing preventing her from being happy now, impacted her.  My emotion mirrored hers as I felt her heart swell, I was right there with her, connected and feeling love.

Most of course, do move forward and go on to live happy healthy lives, but, there are some who, for one reason or another, do not.  It is so easy to get stuck in resentment and pain and embody that pain as their identity.  Before they know it, they are unknowingly playing out the role of being victims of their thinking, however, would you ever dare point this out?  I would advise caution and instead, simply point them gently to their inner connection, their innate wellbeing, with love and empathy.

You see, very few people really want or enjoy being a victim or even recognise that they are.  Often, when stuck in their grief and pain, it is due to fear, guilt and anxiety rather than need or desire and the fact that we are simply feeling our thinking from moment to moment.  That is both our human gift and our failing.  Our ability to think, conceptualise, form perceptions and weigh up possibilities does not always afford us the freedom we would assume that it does.  We all at some time, lose someone whether it be death or the end of a relationship and we experience a whole host of emotions and although this is perfectly natural and normal, to stay for longer than necessary in those emotions is not healthy.

My friend for instance, her divorce was finalised over 3 years ago and the relationship had broken down 18 months beforehand.  Although there are no set rules for how long the grieving process should or can take, over 4 and a half years later, one could be closer to becoming comfortable with the idea.  There could be an element of acceptance and a mellowing of the emotions rather than the raw pain experienced in those early days.  An inability to deal with or move through grief extends stress and anxiety and can mentally paralyse the person experiencing such emotions.

An understanding of Clarity and it’s principles can help to move someone through this process and towards a settled state.  Thought is always the culprit.  Once we understand how the mind operates and that emotion is borne of thought, it easier to gain an isight into how people get stuck in their own grief. Emotions are powerful and the effects are often physical, leaving one in pain.  This cycle can feel scary and almost always leads to further pain and further thoughts.  Our thought though, is neutral and says nothing about the actual experience, until we think it does.  Thought is a perception of actual reality and not a mirror of reality as we might assume.

Being able to take a break from thought is a huge help and most people do this naturally in a reasonable amount of time.  Even the briefest break from thought can be helpful and doesn’t always have to be noticed.  In fact, often, these small breaks occur naturally when distracted by conversation with others, social events, work and so on and gradually extend themselves for longer periods, giving the mind that much needed rest from the chatter and a natural recovery ensues.  Understanding that we are only ever living in the present moment, for that is the only moment we have, can help thought to begin to drop away and bring space for fresh thought.  Along with that come new opportunities, new thought, new perspectives on experiences in the moment and space to continue to connect with our own innate health and wellbeing.

If you recognise that someone you know is or may be suffering in this way, one of the kindest and most loving things you can do is to reach out and connect with them.  Listen to what they have to say without judgement and really hear their message and show that deep level of understanding that they so need.

We are human, thought created feeling is one the traits of humanity, but, it can also be drawback.  Once we get a deep understanding of how our mind works, we can change our inner peace.  We then know in our essence that losing someone does not signal the end of a connection with a loved one, for that will always remain.  We are after-all, each connected to each other and learning to appreciate that we live in the present moment, we can really begin to experience that connection.

The all illusive question, how to be happy following a difficult and upsetting experience does not lie in the future, the answers are always in the present.  One of the commonest thoughts to prevent happiness is blame.  Blaming a partner for ending a relationship or blaming oneself for not being able to save it, is not rare.  But if thoughts don’t move on to acceptance, at some point, the feelings created by remaining in that blame state are often anger or guilt and or any other number of insecure thoughts and feelings.

We are always acting in accordance to what our own perceptions of the world are and perceptions are illusions.  Someone else’s perceptions of the same situation may be totally different and so how do we resolve this?  Well certainly, we can argue it out and try to work out who is right and who is wrong, however, both or all parties are right as we can do no more than act in accordance to that which we perceive to be true or correct.  Knowing this, really gaining an insight into the principles brings clarity and makes it easier to see how these misunderstandings arise and can in turn alleviate guilt, anger and blame.  In fact, we are all subject to the same misunderstanding and so in this vein, we are innocent of blame.  What you experience, perceive, is true for you, therefore, that is the only truth available in that moment.  Another or a different truth is however, only a thought away and opens up the possiblity for a whole new and different experience.

If you are interested in finding out more about Clarity and the underpinning principles to help support yourself or someone you know through a difficult and traumatic time you can email me on nicky@nickybartley.com

Becoming a Great Leader

Becoming a Great Leader

Becoming a Great Leader was not the aim of many of the worlds Great Leaders.  Most just happen to be a Great Leader and are adored and revered by their crowd for other things such as Martin Luther King, whose purpose and aim was to put an end to racial hatred, Mother Theresa who insisted on doing as much as possible to end world poverty.  Great Leaders become so by doing great and amazing things…by daring to dream

According to Forbes Magazine, the main characteristics of a Great Leader are as follows:
+Ability to Delegate
+Honesty
+Great Communication
+Accountability/Responsibility

These are fabulous characteristics, however, the list is not exhaustive and the University of Notre Dame would add things like “Being a Risk Taker”

We can then go on to look at Psychometric tests such as Myers-Briggs and they would have a complete different take on it and come at an angle of styles rather than characteristics and so words such as ‘visionary’ and ‘participative’ get thrown into the mix!!

So, are Great Leaders born or do they learn to be Great Leaders?  The answer is simple, some are born, others learn 🙂

One Characteristic that is prevalent throughout all of the different schools of thought though is that Great Leaders are “Goal Orientated”

Great Leaders set and achieve goals!! Their goals will differ hugely but they know and understand the importance of having that goal, that dream, that aim!!

Great Leaders, they focus, they strategise, they plot, they never stop until they achieve!!

Perhaps more importantly, Great Leaders have “Self Belief”!! Even in moments of doubt, they find ways, methods and means to overcome that self doubt….They melt away their limiting beliefs. Great Leaders know instinctively that they can achieve anything they want to and that there are solutions to everything. Great Leaders are not phased by problems, they are excited by challenges.  Their Limiting Beliefs act as motivating factors, as obstacles to overcome and as barriers to bust through!

Leadership is not just important in the workplace though.  Leadership is important in life in general.  That need to be accountable, to delegate, to communicate, it runs through the very being of our lives.  As parents, grandparents, friends and acquaintances, we all need to navigate the ever complex societal rules and norms which get in our way of ultimate happiness, of just being and living in a way which is authentic and harmonious.

Learning to overcome your limiting beliefs is integral to leadership and to happiness.  Whatever your goals, dreams and aspirations, being aware of your limiting beliefs and finding ways to overcome them is imperative to your success.  I would love you to comment below and tell me about your Big Dreams and how you’re planning to achieve them

 

Nicky x

 

Increasing Your Confidence

Increasing Your Confidence

Increasing your confidence may seem impossible right now but have you noticed that your confidence changes? On a day to day basis or even hourly, regardless of what activities you are doing, who you’re hanging out with. what shows you’re watching or listening to and what you’re reading,  our confidence can shift very quickly.

Maybe you are like I used to be? You don’t always notice this happening, it’s just a natural flow.  Sometimes you feel good, sometimes you don’t but you have never actually connected the dots.  Our lives can happen so quickly as we move deeper into the digital era and we don’t always have time to be still and reflect on where we really are, how we are feeling.  So much get’s in the way doesn’t it?  How many things have you got on your to do list today for example? I can bet it’s ton’s and actually reading this blog is taking up your valuable time isn’t it? But you know this is important, you know that somewhere, sometime, somehow, you have got to get on top of this!

That was my life for so long, I mean actually years until I made myself slow down and reflect.  I knew I had to ease up on the self talk and condemnation of all the things I was doing “wrong”.  In hindsight (Ohhh it is a beautiful thing isn’t it?) the things I was doing wrong were actually right, or at least, they weren’t harmful, they weren’t imprisonable offences or anything like that but they weren’t serving me.  What I discovered was that, it was actually me that was hiding and shying away from my inner light.  I didn’t really appreciate that I had an inner light.  I really believed that my feelings were my guide, that they were an indicator of what I should do, so, I lived my life in accordance with my feelings and the result was hit and miss.  At that time, I had no inkling that my feelings new nothing of the outside world, of the people around me, or of my circumstances and so, I spent much of my time people pleasing.  Is this you?

  • Always  putting every one else first!  Regardless of whether it was work, family or friends, I was always last on the list.  My boss would call at 8.30am as I was on my way out of the door and ask if I could go to court as so and so had called in sick and Ohhhh Noooo, she had no one else that was free. “Ok” I’d say” but, I have a diary full of appointments with kids and families and if I don’t do them I’ll be way behind” bla bla bla.  You know what? She nearly always found someone else to meet my appointments.  Funny that since I was apparently the only one she could call on to fulfil Court Duty? So off I would rush, back into the house to change into my Court attire and hope that I would be back in time to at least meet my afternoon appointments.  Bad mood or what?  I would sit worrying about my schedule and the families that I was letting down AGAIN simply because the service that I worked for could not get their act together.  I always put the blame at my own door though, however, even if I had blamed my Employer, blame is a BAD place to be in.

Blame causes resentment and hurt and guilt and self condemnation and I could go on but we know this don’t we?  Blame also keeps us trapped and this is the worst part, blame keeps us in that vicious cycle of saying yes when you want to say no.  Each time we get asked or expected to do something that we actually do not want to do and we accept, we make it more likely that we will do so again.  That blame intensifies and so does the guilt and we become victims of our own good nature because ultimately, we blame ourselves for not doing what we really wanted or knew that we should do.

How do we get over this?  By seeing what the feeling of guilt, blame and self condemnation is actually pointing us to…..the nature of our thinking in that moment.  The feeling is telling me that I am having guilty or blameful thinking.  The feeling in itself, has no intellect, but, it is a great indicator of our state of mind.  When this started to make sense to me and I noticed my feelings, I was no longer a slave to my feelings.  This alone, frees me up to not have to alter or control my outside circumstances in order to try and change an unpleasant feeling.  In other words, Im free to say no!  The amount of space this began to free up inside my mind was fascinating.  I went from feeling manic and panic, to calm and resilient.  I was spending less and less time send guessing the feelings of others too, as, if its true for me, its true for them too.  It dawned on me that their feelings had nothing to do with me either.  Not in the sense that I don’t care about others, but in the sense of, I know that whatever feelings they experience, are a reflection of their state of mind and not a reflection of whether I am good enough

Finally, saying “Yes” becomes so much more fun because it is without resentment.  You will say “Yes” when you want to help out, when it is not going to throw you into the worst mood ever and this feels good. Saying “Yes” and meaning it is such a gorgeous feeling and lifts our confidence, our self esteem and our energetic vibration to a whole new level.

Start increasing your confidence today by doing this one simple thing; putting yourself first and understanding what your feelings are really telling you.

I would love your feedback!  Where in life are you a slave to your feelings and emotions?

Love Nicky x