Overcoming Overthinking

Overcoming Overthinking

Many people are looking for a cure for their busy mind, for their Overthinking! What they are not realising is that they already have one!

The feelings we get when we have a busy mind are here FOR us and are not working against us. The feelings we get when we are Overthinking is a reminder, a nudge from mind that we are Overthinking.  Feelings like tiredness, heaviness, anxiety, stress, anger, frustration and so on.  But often it is the feelings that people are looking to cure, to release, to rid themselves of and not the busy mind itself.

What happens is one of two things:

People try to organise all of their ‘thoughts’ into categories of priority or importance in a bid to focus, or, they try to rid themselves of the negative thoughts.

These would be perfectly logical steps, if, controlling our thoughts was possible. Unfortunately, contrary to most psychological theories, it is in fact impossible. However, how unfortunate is that in reality? Lets look a little closer.

If in fact it were possible to control our thoughts, possibility would shrink.  You can’t think what you don’t know! It just wouldn’t occur to you to have a thought that you did not know about.  You would stick to the same old thoughts, day in, day out, believing that those are the thoughts available to you, or that those are the thoughts that serve you best and even those are the thoughts you are stuck with.  Can you relate?

In fact, this is more common than we realise.  It’s called ‘habitual thinking’.  It’s thinking that sticks, forms neuro-pathways in our brain and these thoughts are often become our default. It is the very fact that we believe we are in control that prevents us from noticing new fresh thinking, new ideas, new perspectives.

Furthermore, our mistaken belief that we get to control our thinking causes friction.  Yes, we are actually trying to work against our own mind, our own universal mind. I did this for years.  In my quest to feel better, to rid myself of depression and anxiety, I tried to have better thoughts, more positive thoughts.  In essence, I simply took a shitty spoon to my mind and stirred it up, creating resistance.  Resistance to mind energy feels unpleasant, feels difficult, stiff somehow, scary even.  I really wanted to get rid of that feeling and so I stirred some more. I failed to understand that the feelings were trying to tell me something. There is wisdom in the feeling!

Whilst all of the thought was being stirred by me, I had very little chance to look into mind and catch a fresh new thought.

Fresh new thinking started to appear though, when I saw insightfully that I couldn’t change anything, that I aren’t that powerful.  I gradually put down the shitty spoon and stopped stirring more often and I noticed other options, other thoughts that hadn’t occurred to me before.  New fresh thinking emerges naturally, floats to the surface more readily when we allow mind to settle.  In essence, what happened was this: I surrendered!

I surrendered to not having control.  I surrendered to not being able to change how I feel.  I realised that although I felt bad, I couldn’t die from a feeling, but, perhaps I could die from trying to do something about a feeling – think drugs, food, suicide.  Yes, suicide was a constant thought for me and I even surrendered to the okayness of that.  I accepted that I felt suicidal because I realised that if I was capable of changing that thought and feeling, after 8 years, I would surely have done so.

Like magic, I began to feel lighter, relieved of a burden that I had been carrying around for most of my life.  I began to slip out of the habitual thinking that I had had to rely on previously because my mind had been too busy and messy form me to notice anything other.  Thoughts such as ‘I have to feel better’, ‘I have to try harder’, ‘I am not enough’ suddenly started to look less solid and real.  New thoughts like ‘it isn’t true that you’re not good enough’ accompanied with a lightness and deep knowing arose and I started to see that my natural state is peace and calm.  Furthermore, I saw that my natural state is more readily available when I am not trying to achieve it.  It was the ‘trying to achieve it’ that causing the ‘felt disturbance’.  I was swimming against the tide of my mind!

This is the human condition, the condition of you too.  The illusion is real and in a world where we are taught to control more and more often, we rarely get chance to give up the resistance.  On those occasions where we are calm, we believe it is because we have done something right; loved enough, been loved enough, worked hard enough for today, made enough money.  But non of that is true.

Feeling calmer, more loving, more at peace is ALWAYS because we have allowed it to emerge.  We have given up the fight in our mind and accepted this moment from what it is.

Miracles emerge from this place, from this space in our mind that is accepted and allowed.  Fresh new thinking, a better feeling, can all be along at any moment when we let go of control.  Even more wonderful, energy starts to resume, bodies and Minds can heal and restore and our whole world can change without hardly anything changing at all  <3

I invite you to surrender, to let go and to accept that you aren’t in control.  I know that you wouldn’t be self harming with your own thoughts if you fully knew that is what you were doing! Who would?! 7.6 billion humans wondering the earth trying to make themselves feel better so that they can live a fulfilled and happy life.  THAT, is a whole lot of Overthinking.

Imagine the whole raft of possibility if we start to let go!

Imagine the leaders who would relax enough to love and lead a little more!

Imagine the relationships that would be deepened!

Imagine the amount of compassion that would arise for ourselves and others with the simple realisation that we are already enough in this moment!

Imagine the ideas that would be given space to be actioned!

Again, I invite you to surrender, to give up the internal battle, to put down your shitty spoon and discover what emerges for you <3

 

Keep Life Simple

Keep Life Simple

Keep Life Simple has become a mantra of mine, not because life is complicated, but, because it can sometimes seem like it is.  Relationships, work, finances and having anything resembling a social life can seem like it entails lots of negotiating, planning for, working towards and thinking about.  It looked like that to me for most of my adult life, until I realised that I was simply over-complicating matters.

In fact, the fact that it seemed complicated to do, was one of the main things that prevented me from making moves to simplify my life.  Take for instance, my move to self employment and becoming a Coach.  Wow, now, that was one major complication and one that took me two years to see the simplicity that was always right there in front of me!  Here is how it went:

Im now a coach and everyone will want coaching when they see the benefits! So, how do I show them the benefits? Well, I speak to everyone I possibly can about coaching of course…….*watches as everyone disappears out of the room when they see me coming*.  Hmmmm, ok, so I’ll give marketing a go, I mean, marketers say it works so I’m pretty sure that I will be earning 6 figures in no time!!  I learn how to do Facebook ads, start a Facebook group, talk about coaching all over Social Media……..*watches as absolutely nothing happens other than a few likes on some posts*

You see, no one can really understand the benefits of coaching until they’ve experienced it because it has such a personal impact.  I really started to see this after 18 month of slogging away and making only £250.  Yes, you read that right, £250 in nearly 18 months.  It wasn’t a business at all, it wasn’t even a hobby, it was a bad habit, something that I just refused to fail at and kept going because I didn’t want people to think of me as a failure.  I had no concept then of how actually, what other people thought of me was simply their imagined version of me and could not possibly impact me.  It really looked like it could.  Not only that, it looked like my own failure was impacting me too.  I was stressed, not sleeping and contemplating suicide daily.  I mean, really contemplating suicide, until one day, I found myself in a hotel room in London, believing that I was making suicide my reality, I was actually going to do it and at last, I had found a way of doing it so that my family would suffer less. They wont even know it was suicide because it would look like a tragic accident.

Anyway, I will save that story for another time, because, here I am and what I found, starting that evening, was Service <3  Yes, it was a slow discovery and it was months later when I worked with a coach, to help me make sense of it.  I just had an inkling that actually, I hadn’t been helping people at all, I had been ‘selling’ to them.  A natural mistake to make I know, but, a mistake nevertheless.

Selling only crosses my mind now when Im feeling insecure! Instead, I am in service.  Not just in my business, but in life.  In my personal relationships with my partner, my friends, family, colleagues, clients, everyone and that includes myself! Selling my coaching is unnecessary when I am in service.  I help people uncover their own misunderstanding and shift their life and they want to pay me for that.

There is nothing for me to do other than those things that I want to do.  I have gradually dispensed of ‘should do’s’ and ‘need to do’s’ and in doing so, discovered that my life was full of those.  I discovered space and now I want to do the things that I do. I write, I see, I work out, I spend time with the people that I love, I help others, I travel, I spend more time in joy and less time in striving.   My mind isn’t full of ways to manage a to do list and so its cleared the way to live in service!

You see, I might have these odds slightly wrong, but, they aren’t far off; there is a 300 trillion to one chance of you being born as you!!! You could have been born as anyone, but no, you were born as you!! Odds like that don’t happen for nothing!  There is a reason you were born as you and that reason is, that is your purpose, to be you!  There isn’t any need for you to search for your purpose, you ARE it! Right now, you’re it! <3

Live each moment knowing that! Speak from that! Listen from that space. There isn’t much else to do, other than exactly what you want to do, that is service.  You see, to be in service to others, we have to first be in service to ourselves!  We have to see that we aren’t here to multi-task, strive harder and do more.  We are here to do, to create, with Grace and joy!

Allow other people that same Grace.  Slow down and rid your life of ‘should do’s’ and and lovingly and honestly let them know that they can too.  Hold their hand and show them, guide them, speak to them and listen to them and remember, in doing so, listen to you!

As I gradually realised the truth of this, my life shifted gear, along with my personal relationships and my business relationships.  This is where I work from, serve from, that place! There is no need to to worry about who I should be, could be, would rather be, because, I am me and showing up that way, I am able to help others see their truth too! Living from integrity takes the need to manage our lives off the table and allows us to somehow to slow down whilst doing more of what we love <3

Keep life simple and in service to yourself, reflect on your to do list and remove all of those ‘should’s and needs’.  The chances are, they can wait, or can be done by someone else, or even, not done at all.