Do you want a quick and easy transformation hack that you can take away right now, implement and feel an immediate benefit? Yes? Me too! In fact, one of the main problems that gets in the way of transformation is exactly that – our impatience, our unwillingness to sit in the pain and discomfort. Your desire to be free right now is the thing that prevents you from experiencing freedom right now!
Quick and easy transformations do happen, I have experienced and witnessed many. I have seen clients the day after our first session who suddenly look ten years younger. I have witnessed and experienced sudden and unexpected financial upgrades and I have seen and experienced physical and mental illness melt away and return to wellness. They are the unexpected ahaaa moments. The fleeting insights. The sudden changes of perspective that lead to a deep knowing that life isn’t a serious business after all and that the sole, or rather soul purpose of your existence is for you to be. Its the deep recognition that you are enough!
The majority of people don’t feel like they are enough though. If that is you, stay with me for a moment.
How much money, time, effort, do you spend in a day, a week, a month, or even a year to be happy?
That was a question that I started to ponder several years ago. I was in an extraordinary (for me anyway) amount of debt and I felt such a failure. The thing is though, I was convinced that getting out of debt was where true liberation lay. For so long, it never occurred to me that seeking what I already had, was the very thing that had led me to such a predicament in the first place.
I hadn’t always been in debt of course. There was a time when I was financially viable. I had a great career that I loved. I had two children that were and still are the best things I have ever created. I had holidays, cars, DIY projects and a home. I had friends, plenty of high heels, expensive makeup, the best face creams and so on. I had an endless list of things that I was consuming, all to feel better.
The one thing I lacked though, was a feeling of deep satisfaction and a feeling of deep satisfaction was the one thing I was looking for. It was the feeling that I was seeking. The irony is, I did have moments like that, they just weren’t permanent. Those moments were followed by an underlying desire to feel deeply satisfied once more and this is how I jumped into the rabbit hole of despair without even knowing that I was in it.
Fast forward a few years, I had grown tired, unwell in many ways, both physically and mentally. The career that I so loved, started to look bleak, exhausting, impossible to maintain. Working seventy hour weeks was becoming unsustainable and so maybe it wasn’t the career for me after all? My performance suffered, as did my performance in other areas of my life. I wasn’t spending enough time with my family, but, surely I would if only I could nail this? The problem with that was, my constant exhaustion levels were preventing me from ‘nailing’ anything. Ultimately, my marriage crumbled, my work suffered, depression arose, my body was fatigued and it felt like at only 37, this was the life I was destined for after all.
It was eight years later that I finally realised that I could no longer fight for my happiness, that I could not find any strength within me to fight for living a life I loved. I couldn’t find any strength within me to die to that either. I simply had nothing left. I resigned myself to being a human who had nothing to offer, nothing to give to my relationships, to myself and that would have to be enough. It happened just like that!
Ok, not just like that. I happened to be on another course in London, miles away from home, learning how to make money from a coaching business when I heard something so profound that it shifted my life immediately. How funny is that? Here I was, in so much debt that I couldn’t even bare to think about it and I had all of these beliefs that I would fail, that I do always fail and that nothing can change. Beliefs that ran so deep and looked so true that I believed I had actually give up trying. Yet there I was, in London still trying, without even noticing that I was still trying? Even reading that back, trying to understand what I have just said, makes me giggle.
Now here is the miracle. Well, actually, I have already pointed to the miracle but it is worth repeating. I had given up. And yet, I hadn’t. I was still in life, trying to hold on. The course I was on was teaching exactly that, although, I really did not know that’s what I had signed up for. I can still hear my mentors voice from the front of the room, explaining that he is teaching a new psychology. A psychology that is so invisible, that it can only be experienced in real time, right now. He spoke about how we have an innate capacity to thrive, to feel love, peace, harmony and the only thing getting in our way is a simple misunderstanding that we had to do something to gain those states of mind and change our feelings.
I could see his point, in a vague kind of way. I could see where perhaps that was relevant to me sometimes, in some areas, but, every time he said that this is universally true for every single human, my mind came up with an argument, a reason for it not being true for me because of this circumstance or that circumstance.
Alone in my hotel room that evening, I sank into bed, weary from the life I had been living so far and tired from the turmoil of the day, from the nightmare of thinking that I had just used up my last chance to freedom. Next week, I would probably go bankrupt and lose my home.
Lying there, falling into that sleeping space, I was just about nearly there, nearly in nothingness, my body still and glad not to be holding me together.
The sound of the fire alarm in the distance moved slowly to the forefront of my mind and initially, nothing registered but the shrill bell. Nothing! The sound meant nothing to me other than the fire alarm was ringing
I realised that. I realised that I didn’t care that the alarm was ringing. To me, it wasn’t an alarm, a call to action, it was simply a noise, a noise that was neutral. I closed my eyes once more as it dawned on me that the neutrality of the alarm was fitting and that I was lying there listening without feeling anything at all. For so long I had wanted to feel nothing at all. I had spent thousands of pounds on drugs and alcohol trying to feel nothing at all after realising that I’d spent thousands of pounds on other stuff, trying to feel happy, satisfied and free. Feeling nothing at all suddenly felt welcome. It was weightless, lighter than I had ever experienced before and so I stayed there. I remained in bed, hearing scuffles in the corridor and frantic voices rushing past the door as humans made their way out of the building. I on the other hand, had nowhere to go. I had no desire to remove myself from the bed and work myself into a frenzy trying to run from a sound that was simply sounding.
I was almost drifting back to sleep when a thought occurred to me. It was a thought that stirred me into wakefulness, a thought so unexpected that rather than move me to action, it left me there, dazed and pondering why that thought had arisen out of the silence of my empty and neutral mind. It wasn’t the thought itself that I was pondering, rather, the lack of feeling attached and following the thought. It was this:
‘If you die here, in this hotel fire, you are still okay, you are still enough’
My mind giggled at that. Literally, I found myself smiling at not worrying whether I lived or died, not being concerned at about either of those options. It wasn’t that I wanted to die, but that I didn’t not want to die. Maybe this was the first time in so long that I had wanted nothing. I noticed my mind flitting back to the alarm and back again to that singular thought and I giggled again. Without any conscious awareness, I found myself out of bed, running down the stairs and making my way through the hotel reception and having no clue as to what I was running from or too. I was becoming aware though of this feeling of okayness, a feeling of thriving, of shining even. Moment by moment, it grew deeper, spreading throughout me in real time. I felt amazing! I felt so alive in that moment.
Just as I was about to fall through the revolving door in reception, my pace was broken by the hotel receptionist placing his arm on my shoulder and shouting frantically “Miss, Miss, its a false alarm” I turned around to him, completely naked, peels of laughter and the most joyous tears running down my face. The receptionist on the other hand, looked pretty shocked, embarrassed and was unsure where to look. He proceeded to take off his jacket and offer it to cover my naked body. I just smiled, thanked him, whist still laughing out loud and steadily made my way back to my room. He followed me, looking awkward and confused but I could also see his curiosity about what the woman before him was doing, being, experiencing.
I wish I could remember the hotel, but, booking it a couple of days earlier, my mind was so busy when I booked it, I done so, mindlessly. I sometimes wonder what he thought, what he made of this woman taring her way through reception naked. As he fumbled to open the door to my room to let me back in, he commented that the alarm had been ringing for nearly 15 minutes and all of the other guests had come down immediately and returned to bed way before I had. “You are so lucky Miss”, he said, still not daring to take his eyes from my face for fear he might look at my nakedness.
Thanking him, I fell onto the bed and lay there, smiling a smile that seemed to reach my soul. Or maybe, I thought, thats where the smile is coming from. I had many insights that night and these have continued. The biggest for me though, was that I had spent so much time, energy and effort trying to be someone, that I had failed to notice the human that I have always been.
I didn’t make any promises to myself that night, in fact, I never have since. I didn’t promise to get myself out of debt, or find a way of building a successful coaching business. I didn’t promise to stop spending money or to stop wanting to die. I didn’t promise to never be depressed again or to never be anxious or to not work seventy hour weeks. I didn’t promise a single thing as I realised fully in that moment that all of the promises that I had ever made to myself were an attempt to be feel ok and the only thing preventing me from being ok was that I thought I had to work at it.
Being ok is my natural state, yours too and when we realise that deeply, we no longer have anything to do to be ok. Instead we simply be ok.
I woke up the next morning still in that state of deep peace. I thought about the debt, the possibility of getting my house repossessed and still, I knew that I was whole and complete and that non of my circumstances were responsible for the years of despair I had been in. What was responsible for that despair was that I had been chasing a feeling that is already my birthright
Over the coming months, everything seemed to change and the things that didn’t, either didn’t matter or else I didn’t mind that they didn’t change. I have been taking humans on this same journey ever since. I sit by and watch humans die to themselves, only to discover who they really are.
When another soul listens for their truth with their soul, they find it. Outside of that is simply belief. The essence of life, even of human life is energy. It’s universally true for all life. Without energy, there would be nothing to power your heartbeat, your breath, or any of your bodily functions. So why is it that we think we have to power our mind? or our lives? Because it sometimes looks and feels like we have to.
Waking up to your true nature allows you to step down from the hamster wheel for a moment. How can anything be created when we are so busy creating enough steam to stay on the hamster wheel? Do you create your ideas or do they simply appear in your mind? Do you control how others perceive you or does that perception appear in their own mind? DO you create love or does love simply show up?
You don’t create this power, this life force, this universal energy, you are made of it and you are going to experience it and have an experience of it. I say this to many people and it’s worth repeating here:
No one ever died from a feeling. So many humans die from trying to do something about a feeling.
A feeling is feeling and changes shape. It moves around, it comes and goes, it ebbs and flows, as energy does naturally. Our feelings are our road map. They are our personal alarm to wake us from the illusion that we are anything other than peace. love and connection. Our feelings are an indicator that we are seeing life clearly or we are not. It really is that simple.
So, how much money, time and energy are you spending on your transformation? How much money, time and energy are you spending on fixing a feeling that is transient if you allow it to ebb and flow?
And finally, how would you like to discover for yourself that you are not broke, dysfunctional, mentally il, after all? How would you like to discover and connect with your own innate health and wellness so that you can do so anytime?
A Year of Miracles begins over the next few weeks. I will be spending 12 months personally mentoring and coaching a circle of women who are ready to step off the hamster wheel and discover how to create and live a miraculous life. You can too. For more information and to see what is entailed, click the link here
I did not come here to be like you! I came here to be me, to have a separate experience of something other than Oneness, to not know it, to forget it! Whatever IT is!
You see, I know Oneness, not personally, but generally, vaguely, fleetingly but not completely. It goes by another name too, that of Love! In fact, Love is the only means for me to know Oneness, because to truly know Oneness, I couldn’t be here, experiencing the illusion of being separate, having a unique experience, an experience that is other than ‘it’
I am beginning to not desire the return home, to ‘It’, for that will happen when it happens and I may just regret not getting to know ‘me’ as the separate and unique entity who is willing, in this short time I have on earth, to fly alone. That being said, the realisation of non separation has allowed for a softening, an easing, an accepting that was not available to me beforehand. My guess is that I may suffer less often. Although, its worth pointing out that it is a guess. For how can I even know how much I might or might not have suffered otherwise?
When you know that you have an invisible, intangible, formless source that you are infinitely connected to, you don’t need to consider the possibility of not being separate. I don’t need to desire something of which I am already part. I get to enjoy the illusion of separation and so do you. Like going to the cinema every single moment of my life knowing that eventually, I will go home!
How many times have you held back, toned down, changed course, simply to fit in, or to at least not stand out? If you can relate, you will also relate to the feeling that arises when you do any of those things. An unnamed feeling, almost guilt, shame, a feeling of something being ‘off’. We might even tell ourselves it’s uncomfortable and shouldn’t we get used to ‘uncomfortable’? Isn’t all of the juicy stuff in the feeling of ‘discomfort’? Pushing our comfort zone wider, expanding to a new comfort zone? Well, sometimes, but, there is an important factor in feelings of discomfort and a feeling of something not being right that is worth a closer look.
We often believe our feelings to be telling us about the outside world, a situation, an event or a person. The illusion seems real. Our feelings though are only ever telling us about our inside world. They know nothing of anything beyond our mind. Feelings are simpler than we believe, than most current personal development or psychological models understand. Feelings are your inner guide.
Feelings aren’t telling you ‘what’ to do, they are telling you what your mind is already doing!
Take fitting in for example. If in your quest to fit in, you have a feeling anything other than one of love, peace, calm, that feeling is pointing you to your own mind and the resistance within it. It is pointing you to the amazing phenomena of which you are already part, that of the Universal Power that drives all things. The feeling is a pointing finger when you forget and you start to believe that fitting in is something that you must do or even must not do. Rather than telling you that you don’t have to fit in after all, it is telling you that you that fitting in or not fitting in, are merely concepts. You get to choose because the illusion of separation requires you to be unique. To show up to the moment as you already are!
This means that fitting in is neutral, but whether you want to fit in is not! By the same token, not fitting in is neutral but whether you want to not fit in, is not!
We are born to want! Its a driving force; desire! Our connection to others, is a result of following desire or rater being led by desire. Ultimately, maybe the job of desire is to meet itself, to connect all things in form that are already truly connected in the formless?! Desire is a reminder of who we really are, One. Desire is isness
Some say that desire is pure ego, however, it seems that the internal battle we have with desire is ego, desire itself is natural and innate and arises from the silence of Mind. It is the resistance that we have with desire that is the cause of suffering. It is the labels that we attribute to desire that cause a felt disturbance. Desire itself neutral! What we think about desire is not!
The insecurity we have around desire is consciosness reverberating through the universe, the driving force behind all things and when we mistake that feeling for some other meaning, that insecurity plays out, sometimes in unhealthy ways, in behaviour that is unwanted and harmful. Resistance to desire makes desire hard to resist. We only have to look at the world around us to find evidence of this; addictions, hatred, non acceptance, intolerance.
Slowing down to catch the space beneath desire, the space from where the vibration comes, from where consciousness arises, allows a settling of the mind as it naturally drops insecurity and settles. Thought falls away naturally and the true nature of everything begins to shine through more often. The signs of our healing become clear and we get to follow it, take a different route, a different path with new scenery. We get to create a new story.
All aspects of you are making attempts to heal in every given moment, if only you take a moment to listen <3
If you are struggling to heal right now, please reach out and let me support you
Many people are looking for a cure for their busy mind, for their Overthinking! What they are not realising is that they already have one!
The feelings we get when we have a busy mind are here FOR us and are not working against us. The feelings we get when we are Overthinking are a reminder, a nudge from mind that we are Overthinking. Feelings like tiredness, heaviness, anxiety, stress, anger, frustration and so on. But often it is the feelings that people are looking to cure, to release, to rid themselves of and not the busy mind itself.
What happens is one of two things:
People try to organise all of their ‘thoughts’ into categories of priority or importance in a bid to focus, or, they try to rid themselves of the negative thoughts.
These would be perfectly logical steps if controlling our thoughts was possible. Unfortunately, contrary to most psychological theories, it is in fact impossible. However, how unfortunate is that in reality? Lets look a little closer.
If in fact it were possible to control our thoughts, possibility would shrink. You just would not be able to think what you don’t already know. It just wouldn’t occur to you to have a thought that you did not know about. You would stick to the same old thoughts, day in, day out, believing that those are the thoughts available to you, or that those are the thoughts that serve you best and even those are the thoughts you are stuck with. Can you relate?
In fact, this is more common than we realise. It’s called ‘habitual thinking’. It’s thinking that sticks, forms neuro-pathways in our brain and these thoughts often become our default. It is the very fact that we believe we are in control that prevents us from noticing new fresh thinking, new ideas, new perspectives. If control of our thoughts was truly possible, Einstein would not have realised his theories, no new inventions would have been thought up and personal growth would not be a thing.
Furthermore, our mistaken belief that we get to control our thinking causes friction. Yes, we are actually trying to work against our own mind, our own universal mind. I did this for years. In my quest to feel better, to rid myself of depression and anxiety, I tried to have better thoughts, more positive thoughts. In essence, I simply took a shitty spoon to my mind and stirred it up, creating resistance. Resistance to mind energy feels unpleasant, feels difficult, stiff somehow, scary even. I really wanted to get rid of that feeling and so I stirred some more. I failed to understand that the feelings were trying to tell me something. There is wisdom in the feeling!
Whilst all of the thought was being stirred by me, I had very little chance to look into mind and catch a fresh new thought.
Fresh new thinking started to appear though, when I saw insightfully that I couldn’t change anything, that I aren’t that powerful. I gradually put down the shitty spoon and stopped stirring more often and I noticed other options, other thoughts that hadn’t occurred to me before. New fresh thinking emerges naturally, floats to the surface more readily when we allow mind to settle. In essence, what happened was this: I surrendered!
I surrendered to not having control. I surrendered to not being able to change how I feel. I realised that although I felt bad, I couldn’t die from a feeling, but, perhaps I could die from trying to do something about a feeling – think drugs, food, suicide. Yes, suicide was a constant thought for me and I even surrendered to the okayness of that. I accepted that I felt suicidal because I realised that if I was capable of changing that thought and feeling, after 8 years, I would surely have done so.
Like magic, I began to feel lighter, relieved of a burden that I had been carrying around for most of my life. I began to slip out of the habitual thinking that I had had to rely on previously because my mind had been too busy and messy form me to notice anything other. Thoughts such as ‘I have to feel better’, ‘I have to try harder’, ‘I am not enough’ suddenly started to look less solid and real. New thoughts like ‘it isn’t true that you’re not good enough’ accompanied with a lightness and deep knowing arose and I started to see that my innate state is peace and calm. Furthermore, I saw that my innate state is more readily available when I am not trying to achieve it. It was the ‘trying to achieve it’ that was causing the ‘felt disturbance’. I was swimming against the tide of my mind!
This is the human condition, the condition of you too. The illusion is real and in a world where we are taught to control more and more often, we rarely get chance to give up the resistance. On those occasions where we are calm, we believe it is because we have done something right; loved enough, been loved enough, worked hard enough for today, made enough money. But non of that is true.
Feeling calmer, more loving, more at peace is ALWAYS because we have allowed it to emerge. We have given up the fight in our mind and accepted this moment for what it is.
Miracles emerge from this place, from this space in our mind that is accepted and allowed. Fresh new thinking, a better feeling, can all be along at any moment when we let go of control. Even more wonderful, energy starts to resume, bodies and Minds can heal and restore and our whole world can change without hardly anything changing at all <3
I invite you to surrender, to let go and to accept that you aren’t in control. I know that you wouldn’t be self harming with your own thoughts if you fully knew that is what you were doing! Who would?! 7.6 billion humans wondering the earth trying to make themselves feel better so that they can live a fulfilled and happy life. THAT, is a whole lot of Overthinking.
Imagine the whole raft of possibility if we start to let go!
Imagine the leaders who would relax enough to love and lead a little more!
Imagine the relationships that would be deepened!
Imagine the amount of compassion that would arise for ourselves and others with the simple realisation that we are already enough in this moment!
Imagine the ideas that would be given space to be actioned!
Again, I invite you to surrender, to give up the internal battle, to put down your shitty spoon and discover what emerges for you <3
Keep Life Simple has become a mantra of mine, not because life is complicated, but, because it can sometimes seem like it is. Relationships, work, finances and having anything resembling a social life can seem like it entails lots of negotiating, planning for, working towards and thinking about. It looked like that to me for most of my adult life, until I realised that I was simply over-complicating matters.
In fact, the fact that it seemed complicated to do, was one of the main things that prevented me from making moves to simplify my life. Take for instance, my move to self employment and becoming a Coach. Wow, now, that was one major complication and one that took me two years to see the simplicity that was always right there in front of me! Here is how it went:
Im now a coach and everyone will want coaching when they see the benefits! So, how do I show them the benefits? Well, I speak to everyone I possibly can about coaching of course…….*watches as everyone disappears out of the room when they see me coming*. Hmmmm, ok, so I’ll give marketing a go, I mean, marketers say it works so I’m pretty sure that I will be earning 6 figures in no time!! I learn how to do Facebook ads, start a Facebook group, talk about coaching all over Social Media……..*watches as absolutely nothing happens other than a few likes on some posts*
You see, no one can really understand the benefits of coaching until they’ve experienced it because it has such a personal impact. I really started to see this after 18 month of slogging away and making only £250. Yes, you read that right, £250 in nearly 18 months. It wasn’t a business at all, it wasn’t even a hobby, it was a bad habit, something that I just refused to fail at and kept going because I didn’t want people to think of me as a failure. I had no concept then of how actually, what other people thought of me was simply their imagined version of me and could not possibly impact me. It really looked like it could. Not only that, it looked like my own failure was impacting me too. I was stressed, not sleeping and contemplating suicide daily. I mean, really contemplating suicide, until one day, I found myself in a hotel room in London, believing that I was making suicide my reality, I was actually going to do it and at last, I had found a way of doing it so that my family would suffer less. They wont even know it was suicide because it would look like a tragic accident.
Anyway, I will save that story for another time, because, here I am and what I found, starting that evening, was Service <3 Yes, it was a slow discovery and it was months later when I worked with a coach, to help me make sense of it. I just had an inkling that actually, I hadn’t been helping people at all, I had been ‘selling’ to them. A natural mistake to make I know, but, a mistake nevertheless.
Selling only crosses my mind now when Im feeling insecure! Instead, I am in service. Not just in my business, but in life. In my personal relationships with my partner, my friends, family, colleagues, clients, everyone and that includes myself! Selling my coaching is unnecessary when I am in service. I help people uncover their own misunderstanding and shift their life and they want to pay me for that.
There is nothing for me to do other than those things that I want to do. I have gradually dispensed of ‘should do’s’ and ‘need to do’s’ and in doing so, discovered that my life was full of those. I discovered space and now I want to do the things that I do. I write, I see, I work out, I spend time with the people that I love, I help others, I travel, I spend more time in joy and less time in striving. My mind isn’t full of ways to manage a to do list and so its cleared the way to live in service!
You see, I might have these odds slightly wrong, but, they aren’t far off; there is a 300 trillion to one chance of you being born as you!!! You could have been born as anyone, but no, you were born as you!! Odds like that don’t happen for nothing! There is a reason you were born as you and that reason is, that is your purpose, to be you! There isn’t any need for you to search for your purpose, you ARE it! Right now, you’re it! <3
Live each moment knowing that! Speak from that! Listen from that space. There isn’t much else to do, other than exactly what you want to do, that is service. You see, to be in service to others, we have to first be in service to ourselves! We have to see that we aren’t here to multi-task, strive harder and do more. We are here to do, to create, with Grace and joy!
Allow other people that same Grace. Slow down and rid your life of ‘should do’s’ and and lovingly and honestly let them know that they can too. Hold their hand and show them, guide them, speak to them and listen to them and remember, in doing so, listen to you!
As I gradually realised the truth of this, my life shifted gear, along with my personal relationships and my business relationships. This is where I work from, serve from, that place! There is no need to to worry about who I should be, could be, would rather be, because, I am me and showing up that way, I am able to help others see their truth too! Living from integrity takes the need to manage our lives off the table and allows us to somehow to slow down whilst doing more of what we love <3
Keep life simple and in service to yourself, reflect on your to do list and remove all of those ‘should’s and needs’. The chances are, they can wait, or can be done by someone else, or even, not done at all.