Suicide Prevention

Suicide Prevention

Today is ‘World Suicide Prevention Day’. The fact that we have a day dedicated to preventing suicide is an indication that as a society, we still have far too many misunderstandings when it comes to discussions around death, suicide and living. Whilst many will be working hard today, posting and writing about how to spot the signs in someone who is feeling suicidal, I’m going to suggest that no signs truly exist. I wanted to commit suicide for several years and yet here I am. Many people go through life with suicidal thoughts running through their mind and many people don’t. It isn’t whats running through our mind that is the distinguishing factor in whether we succeed in ending our own life, its how seriously we are taking whats running through our mind in any given moment. Suicidal ideation is pretty common.

Combined with our own obsession of keeping our loved ones alive, suicidal ideation can hang around and it simply takes one more thought to make the difference, to tip the scales of life and death either way. When a loved one, friend or professional is constantly on watch to make sure one doesn’t commit suicide, it can innocently compound the suicidal thinking. An example? – It’s vital that you don’t think of red lorries today. Thinking of red lorries is VERY bad and will hurt my feelings. Please don’t do it!

So, how is suicide prevention best tackled? Well, it’s a complex topic for a blog post and you might still have lots of questions at the end. I would encourage you to come back to me with those questions though, they’re important ones and the answers are far simpler than we imagine. My own question though is never ‘how can I prevent suicide’? Instead, I am curious about whether or not someone understands who they really are. It is so easy to feel insignificant, unimportant, lonely, irrelevant and no matter how many times a friend or loved one tells you that you’re wrong, the very resistance to that thinking can keep us hanging on to spotting red lorries, or in this case, dying. Coupled with the fact that in the west, we are also obsessed with changing our thoughts and feelings, we end up spending a lot of time working on our thoughts and feelings and so don’t get to notice that what we are doing, is keeping those thoughts and feelings alive.

A question we often hear in the personal development arena is ‘what is my purpose’.  It used to be a question that emerged for me too from time to time, especially when I was stressed and anxious and had those moments of wondering just what is the point of my existence.  Nowadays, I have a different take on it and rarely ponder the purpose of existence for me or anyone else.  I  sway towards the view that the purpose of life is life itself and that I don’t have to make meaning of it.  I see that the only time that I try to find a meaning for my personal existence is when I’m feeling lost, separate and insignificant.  

Imagine that you and 2.5 million other fellow humans are standing in a field, pondering the purpose of life and wondering why you were born.  There must be some reason surely, you say? The group all agree.  I have been striving all of my life to find out, says one man.  I am so sick of not discovering the truth, of searching and meeting with dead ends.  I have set up businesses, made millions of pounds, travelled the world, fell in and out of love and now, I have simply had enough, I am exhausted and don’t feel I can go on anymore.  What am I going to do next if nothing I have done so far has bought me satisfaction? If nothing quells this anxiety and makes my life satisfactory and meaningful.

The man, feeling despairing and beaten, quietens and sits on the floor.  The rest of the group follow, sitting on the ground and with nothing else to do, they swap their stories about what they have done with their lives so far, the conquests, their failures, their unmet dreams and desires, their fears and hopes.  They talk of the drugs they have taken, the alcohol they’ve drunk, the food they’ve consumed.  Some tell about the the beatings they have both given and received, others, the murders they have committed. Some make mention of the love they lost and others the love they found. After several hours of swapping these stories, the first man gets up and says ‘I’m going home to kill myself.  There is nothing left for me here. Listening to myself and all of you, it doesn’t seem that anything any of us do will be good enough.  Whether we do good or bad, nothing seems to make any difference’.  Murmurs and whispers of agreement rippled through the group as they decided that they too would give up and go home.

Just as the crowd were about to leave the field, a voice came out of nowhere. It was a young girl who had accompanied her mother to the field and had sat listening to those around her, telling their stories of woe.  What she had heard though, was different than what the rest of the crowd seem to have heard.  She spoke to the first man and asked him where his millions of pounds had gone? I gave it all away to charity he says and now, I have nothing left for myself. The young girl smiled.  My mother, she says, has never even made one million, but she made me.

So what? Says the man.  Your mother is like the rest of us, she just didn’t make it, didn’t work hard enough, if you is all she made, for what have you achieved? The young girl stopped for a moment, deep in thought.  She then set about, giving each member of the the two million strong crowd, a trillion sided dice. Everyone looked at the curious object in their hand which seemed to have no purpose whatsoever and wondered what the girl was doing.  ‘I want you to take that die’ she said, and throw it up in the air.  Reluctantly, each human threw up the die and let it land in front of them.  ‘Now’ says the young girl, ‘I want you to look at the number that the die has landed on and compare it to the person next to you.  As the crowd did this, everyone in the crowd confirmed that the the die had landed on a different side to that of their neighbour.

‘Well’ she went on, the chances of all two million of you getting the same number on one throw of a trillion sided die is pretty slim isn’t it? Absolutely, the whole crowd agreed.  ’That would take an absolute miracle” says the first man, ’So, what is your point’ he said, growing impatient and yet a little curious.  ‘Imagine if you had all thrown that die ten times into the air’ she said ‘and that each of those ten times, it landed on the same side for all of you’ she smiled softly into the crowd. ‘You would then have discovered the odds, the chances of you being born as you, to your parents, on that date, as who you are’. The crowd silenced as the enormity of these odds dawned on them.  Each human is a miracle and yet, the majority of people do not realise that and they set about their life, trying to perfect what already is.

It is so easy, to seek and search for a purpose for our existence and to miss the miracle of life itself.  Life is in fact a miracle that no one has of yet discovered the answer to or the beginnings of and miracles seem to produce miracles.  Miracles seem to involve very little planning and a lot of chance encounters and happenings and the only purpose they seem to have is to multiply, continue and grow. You are not only a result of that miracle, you are that still that miracle.

So it seems, the purpose of life is to really continue onwards, in various shapes, forms and guises.  Life is impersonal, neutral and absolutely magical in its capabilities to find ways to continue.  It found you didn’t it? It gave rise to you, sitting here, reading this, waking up to your uniqueness, your magnificence! And if you are reading this, it is likely that somewhere along the way, you have spent many moments talking your way out of it, forgetting that you are life itself and believing that you are insignificant. Maybe you forget that for others too?Excerpt taken from my upcoming book, How not to die before your’e dead

To spend time trying to convince others not to die is perfectly understandable. Losing people we care deeply about is painful. Consider this though, when someone is considering whether or how to end their life, their pain is so severe that they can’t see any alternative way to end the pain. Their pain is caused by layers of thought that just won’t seem to go away, no matter how much they try to make it disappear. Do your best not to add to their pain by asking them to live. Someone living for the sake of others is not living at all, it’s existing. Instead, listen to them, without judgment, with complete acceptance and allow them to not talk too, allow the silence. Be gentle with them and with yourself too. Notice your fear of them dying and ask yourself if thats the emotion that your’e reaching out with or are you reaching out with love, for love holds no fear. They have to be the one who see’s the infinite value of their life. They cannot find that value through your own eyes, only theirs and we lessen the chance of them finding it when we are showing them the value that we hold for them. The added burden of shame, blame and guilt for the pain we are putting on others makes for a heavy veil, that hides our true value out of sight.

Does this mean that we have to have less conversations about suicide? No, we shouldn’t be waiting to have these conversations at all. But when we are having conversations about suicide, remember to have conversations about living, really living and stay curious. Resist the urge to put words into the mouth of the other. The transference of our own thoughts is unhelpful. What someone suffering is looking for is not more thought, but a rest from thought, a quieter mind and that cannot be found by giving them your thoughts to consider too. A sense of ease and peace cannot be found in a busy mind, it can only be found in silence. Giving another more to think about, more to consider with their painful thinking, is the least helpful thing we can do and comes from our own insecurity, for our own seeking to quieten our own mind.

If you or someone you know would like to find a quieter mind, please get in touch. It’s only one thought away. There are reasons to be hopeful


Reasons To Be Hopeful

Reasons To Be Hopeful

In an ever changing world, it can sometimes feel hard to keep up with the constant movement. On an average day, this can be true but what happens on those days that we meet big life changing events such as relationship breakups, trauma of some sort or bereavement and so on? Stay with me, there are reasons to be hopeful.

Usually, we find something within us that enables us to go on through the darkest of times. Ok, it’s probably a horrible experience, uncomfortable, painful, terribly upsetting and stressful, but somehow, we get through each moment and live into the next moment. Have you ever wondered why that is?

I did and what I discovered was that I had within me, something that I had spent so many years hardly noticing because I had been too busy trying to get through the chaos of life. I found an innate and unmeasurable quality that I had had available to me all along. In fact, it is the abundance of this quality that made it invisible. A fish has no concept that it is swimming in water.

I discovered resilience. You have probably heard that term before and will have varying degrees of understanding of what it really means, but your understanding of what it really means cannot be quantified in words and definitions. It can only really be experienced in real time. Resilience can be noticed when you stop for a moment and wonder, with open curiosity and without providing yourself with an answer, just how you have survived so much. Resilience an be found during those moments of reflection when you notice that life is moving on regardless and that you are still in it. Maybe you’re not fully in it yet, you could just be treading water, that is ok. Don’t wonder about the treading water, instead, how wondrous is it that you can tread water?

So, what is that exactly, the abundant source of resilience that carries us forward on life regardless of our circumstances? It is the source that many scientists and spiritual teachers are researching? It is consciousness. Pure awareness. Awareness cannot be aware of itself, its is simply aware. Trying to be aware of awareness is like trying to look at the back of your head, or making attempts to look at your eyeball with your eyeball. It is an impossible task.

To be aware of awareness, we would need to be separate from awareness and although we have the illusion of separation, we don’t have the reality of it. We are so at one with awareness that it is impossible to stand back and really get a good view of it. The best we can do is to feel it, to feel our aliveness carrying us onwards, even in those moments we don’t feel we can go on.

Consciousness is just one of the principles that I point my fellow humans to when they’re at the point of despair, because realising that they are in fact consciousness rather than it being something that they can access, is a huge relief. People automatically stop trying to change their felt experience and instead are free to focus on facts, solving problems, creating and bringing new ideas into the world, loving others and really serving themselves and people around them. The tiniest glimpse of our true nature allows us space to calibrate back to peace of mind.

I would love to hear form you. What would you do if you realised that being you is easy?


I promise, there are reasons to be hopeful. Your very presence is one of them <3

Naked Coaching

Naked Coaching

Naked Coaching, no one really wants it, but, if you have read my previous blog post (find it here), you might just get a glimpse of the benefits. This is in response to a question I was asked a few days ago – What is it like to be a Coach and to be Coached? What came into my mind is the nakedness of it, for both myself and my clients. The necessity of the shedding, the unfolding, the undressing and how, in order to be able to invite them to do that, I have to do that too. As a Coach, I know that I have to be a living demonstration of my work and that means showing my imperfections, my vulnerabilities, my heart.

Let’s be clear here, no one comes to me and actually gets naked. But, I do encourage my clients to strip off their armour until there is nothing left to protect them from shame, anger and humiliation. In fact, I insist on it. Not until then, do they discover what is innately theirs: love, acceptance and resilience. The truth is, some accept, some decline.

In the beginning, most don’t really understand the process, because, having spent their entire life putting on their armour, taking it off has never occurred to them. When it does occur to them, they may squirm, take their time, dawdle along, search for ways to avoid getting naked.

This is the tipping point, the moment they either back away from Coaching or else, they take a chance on their undressing. As a Coach, it’s always a most interesting moment. It’s a time that I myself get quiet and allow consciousness to do the work.

There is a dance in this moment, a balancing of tensions, of push and pull. I don’t involve myself in deciding what that is and what it looks like. Instead, I let intuition guide me. Imagine if you will, losing yourself in the music and dancing in full view of the world. Imagine the range of emotions that might arise, the insecurity, the love, the thrill, the letting go of insecurity, the fear of being judged, the letting go of the fear and instead the welcoming of judgement. I know fully that you are likely to be holding on to what you believe protects you, to your honour, to your reputation, to your good name and I also know that what you’re really holding onto, is an innocent misunderstanding.

I though, know that at this point, that care is needed, service is called for and love is necessary. It is not my job to force you to let go, but instead, love and care for you enough that you just might take a chance on letting go. Many do, some don’t, at least not straight away. What are you gong to do? Many take that leap of faith when they get a glimpse of the mirror that I hold up, or even, like was the case for me, they get so tired of carrying the armour, that they take it off for a moment, to get some rest. In the confines of a Coaching relationship, they discover themselves held. They discover their safety net. But still, what are YOU going to do?

Of course, it might look like that is of my doing, but it is not. I have no ones safety net. If I did, I would be giving them out all over the god damn world. We all have our own safety net. It is part of our design and it inflates when it is necessary.

Now, this is the point where it’s so tempting as a client to back off. Do you recognise this? Is this happening in your relationships with others? You have discovered something deeper, a quieter place, a calmer space. You have discovered your innate capacity to swim in love and so you are done, you got what you came for! I love that, I really do. My heart meets your heart in this place, so why not swim a little longer?

You see, when I witness clients doing this, backing off, or remaining in the still waters, I know that the chances are that this is also happening in their other relationships. Take for instance, a relationship with a partner. You fall in love. At first its not safe and so you move with care. You enter this dance and over time, you discover that it’s a beautiful dance, even with the awkwardness and the stepping on the toes. The dance is comfortable, but only because its with the right partner, right?


The dance is not comfortable and beautiful because you are dancing!

The dance is comfortable and beautiful not because you are dancing, but because you ARE the dance!

Without you, there would be no dance, not for you anyway. You would be sitting at the edge the dance floor, waiting to be asked, wishing that you could ask. Oh the shame, the embarrassment, the frustration at not being asked, or at having asked and being refused. Yes, you can just wait to be asked and you can find that partner who allows you to feel safe enough to join in. But what then? What of the shame, the embarrassment, the frustration that you think you were saved from because your partner came along? Or actually, your Coach? What of that?

If you really want to discover the liberation in the dance, now is the time to strip off. Stay on the dance floor and notice that the dance is coming through you, regardless of what your partner, your colleague, your boss, your coach is doing. You are dancing your own dance.

Until my client notices that, I am going to continue to dance with them. Of course, many want to rest from the dance and that is natural. A rest is so healing. But to not dance again? Or to sit and wait to be asked again?

Occasionally, clients do this with their lives. They seek the confines of Coaching and then feel amazing and think they’re done. Most are, but a few, simply need to rest, take a pause. When they don’t get back up to rejoin the dance, start their new business, jump into that new relationship, write that book, leave their job or whatever it is they want to do, they assume its because the next song is not for them, or, their dance partner has left the dance floor, or, their Coach is no longer available. When a client is due to complete their package, this is what I am looking out for. A question I always ask myself and the client is:

Are you done because you now know that you are the dance, or are you done because you are waiting for the next dancer?

If you are wondering whether you are the dance or the dancer, consider this:

The dance itself needs only to be danced, regardless of what you are wearing. Whereas the dancer is likely to be waiting for the right music, the right partner, the right dance floor, the right clothes.

The best dancers are the ones that don’t even notice that I left the dance floor with their clothes <3

Quick and easy transformation hack

Quick and easy transformation hack

Do you want a quick and easy transformation hack that you can take away right now, implement and feel an immediate benefit? Yes? Me too! In fact, one of the main problems that gets in the way of transformation is exactly that – our impatience, our unwillingness to sit in the pain and discomfort. Your desire to be free right now is the thing that prevents you from experiencing freedom right now!

Quick and easy transformations do happen, I have experienced and witnessed many. I have seen clients the day after our first session who suddenly look ten years younger. I have witnessed and experienced sudden and unexpected financial upgrades and I have seen and experienced physical and mental illness melt away and return to wellness. They are the unexpected ahaaa moments. The fleeting insights. The sudden changes of perspective that lead to a deep knowing that life isn’t a serious business after all and that the sole, or rather soul purpose of your existence is for you to be. Its the deep recognition that you are enough!

The majority of people don’t feel like they are enough though. If that is you, stay with me for a moment.

How much money, time, effort, do you spend in a day, a week, a month, or even a year to be happy?

That was a question that I started to ponder several years ago. I was in an extraordinary (for me anyway) amount of debt and I felt such a failure. The thing is though, I was convinced that getting out of debt was where true liberation lay. For so long, it never occurred to me that seeking what I already had, was the very thing that had led me to such a predicament in the first place.

I hadn’t always been in debt of course. There was a time when I was financially viable. I had a great career that I loved. I had two children that were and still are the best things I have ever created. I had holidays, cars, DIY projects and a home. I had friends, plenty of high heels, expensive makeup, the best face creams and so on. I had an endless list of things that I was consuming, all to feel better.

The one thing I lacked though, was a feeling of deep satisfaction and a feeling of deep satisfaction was the one thing I was looking for. It was the feeling that I was seeking. The irony is, I did have moments like that, they just weren’t permanent. Those moments were followed by an underlying desire to feel deeply satisfied once more and this is how I jumped into the rabbit hole of despair without even knowing that I was in it.

Fast forward a few years, I had grown tired, unwell in many ways, both physically and mentally. The career that I so loved, started to look bleak, exhausting, impossible to maintain. Working seventy hour weeks was becoming unsustainable and so maybe it wasn’t the career for me after all? My performance suffered, as did my performance in other areas of my life. I wasn’t spending enough time with my family, but, surely I would if only I could nail this? The problem with that was, my constant exhaustion levels were preventing me from ‘nailing’ anything. Ultimately, my marriage crumbled, my work suffered, depression arose, my body was fatigued and it felt like at only 37, this was the life I was destined for after all.

It was eight years later that I finally realised that I could no longer fight for my happiness, that I could not find any strength within me to fight for living a life I loved. I couldn’t find any strength within me to die to that either. I simply had nothing left. I resigned myself to being a human who had nothing to offer, nothing to give to my relationships, to myself and that would have to be enough. It happened just like that!

Ok, not just like that. I happened to be on another course in London, miles away from home, learning how to make money from a coaching business when I heard something so profound that it shifted my life immediately. How funny is that? Here I was, in so much debt that I couldn’t even bare to think about it and I had all of these beliefs that I would fail, that I do always fail and that nothing can change. Beliefs that ran so deep and looked so true that I believed I had actually give up trying. Yet there I was, in London still trying, without even noticing that I was still trying? Even reading that back, trying to understand what I have just said, makes me giggle.

Now here is the miracle. Well, actually, I have already pointed to the miracle but it is worth repeating. I had given up. And yet, I hadn’t. I was still in life, trying to hold on. The course I was on was teaching exactly that, although, I really did not know that’s what I had signed up for. I can still hear my mentors voice from the front of the room, explaining that he is teaching a new psychology. A psychology that is so invisible, that it can only be experienced in real time, right now. He spoke about how we have an innate capacity to thrive, to feel love, peace, harmony and the only thing getting in our way is a simple misunderstanding that we had to do something to gain those states of mind and change our feelings.

I could see his point, in a vague kind of way. I could see where perhaps that was relevant to me sometimes, in some areas, but, every time he said that this is universally true for every single human, my mind came up with an argument, a reason for it not being true for me because of this circumstance or that circumstance.

Alone in my hotel room that evening, I sank into bed, weary from the life I had been living so far and tired from the turmoil of the day, from the nightmare of thinking that I had just used up my last chance to freedom. Next week, I would probably go bankrupt and lose my home.

Lying there, falling into that sleeping space, I was just about nearly there, nearly in nothingness, my body still and glad not to be holding me together.

The sound of the fire alarm in the distance moved slowly to the forefront of my mind and initially, nothing registered but the shrill bell. Nothing! The sound meant nothing to me other than the fire alarm was ringing

I realised that. I realised that I didn’t care that the alarm was ringing. To me, it wasn’t an alarm, a call to action, it was simply a noise, a noise that was neutral. I closed my eyes once more as it dawned on me that the neutrality of the alarm was fitting and that I was lying there listening without feeling anything at all. For so long I had wanted to feel nothing at all. I had spent thousands of pounds on drugs and alcohol trying to feel nothing at all after realising that I’d spent thousands of pounds on other stuff, trying to feel happy, satisfied and free. Feeling nothing at all suddenly felt welcome. It was weightless, lighter than I had ever experienced before and so I stayed there. I remained in bed, hearing scuffles in the corridor and frantic voices rushing past the door as humans made their way out of the building. I on the other hand, had nowhere to go. I had no desire to remove myself from the bed and work myself into a frenzy trying to run from a sound that was simply sounding.

I was almost drifting back to sleep when a thought occurred to me. It was a thought that stirred me into wakefulness, a thought so unexpected that rather than move me to action, it left me there, dazed and pondering why that thought had arisen out of the silence of my empty and neutral mind. It wasn’t the thought itself that I was pondering, rather, the lack of feeling attached and following the thought. It was this:

‘If you die here, in this hotel fire, you are still okay, you are still enough’

My mind giggled at that. Literally, I found myself smiling at not worrying whether I lived or died, not being concerned at about either of those options. It wasn’t that I wanted to die, but that I didn’t not want to die. Maybe this was the first time in so long that I had wanted nothing. I noticed my mind flitting back to the alarm and back again to that singular thought and I giggled again. Without any conscious awareness, I found myself out of bed, running down the stairs and making my way through the hotel reception and having no clue as to what I was running from or too. I was becoming aware though of this feeling of okayness, a feeling of thriving, of shining even. Moment by moment, it grew deeper, spreading throughout me in real time. I felt amazing! I felt so alive in that moment.

Just as I was about to fall through the revolving door in reception, my pace was broken by the hotel receptionist placing his arm on my shoulder and shouting frantically “Miss, Miss, its a false alarm” I turned around to him, completely naked, peels of laughter and the most joyous tears running down my face. The receptionist on the other hand, looked pretty shocked, embarrassed and was unsure where to look. He proceeded to take off his jacket and offer it to cover my naked body. I just smiled, thanked him, whist still laughing out loud and steadily made my way back to my room. He followed me, looking awkward and confused but I could also see his curiosity about what the woman before him was doing, being, experiencing.

I wish I could remember the hotel, but, booking it a couple of days earlier, my mind was so busy when I booked it, I done so, mindlessly. I sometimes wonder what he thought, what he made of this woman taring her way through reception naked. As he fumbled to open the door to my room to let me back in, he commented that the alarm had been ringing for nearly 15 minutes and all of the other guests had come down immediately and returned to bed way before I had. “You are so lucky Miss”, he said, still not daring to take his eyes from my face for fear he might look at my nakedness.

Thanking him, I fell onto the bed and lay there, smiling a smile that seemed to reach my soul. Or maybe, I thought, thats where the smile is coming from. I had many insights that night and these have continued. The biggest for me though, was that I had spent so much time, energy and effort trying to be someone, that I had failed to notice the human that I have always been.

I didn’t make any promises to myself that night, in fact, I never have since. I didn’t promise to get myself out of debt, or find a way of building a successful coaching business. I didn’t promise to stop spending money or to stop wanting to die. I didn’t promise to never be depressed again or to never be anxious or to not work seventy hour weeks. I didn’t promise a single thing as I realised fully in that moment that all of the promises that I had ever made to myself were an attempt to be feel ok and the only thing preventing me from being ok was that I thought I had to work at it.

Being ok is my natural state, yours too and when we realise that deeply, we no longer have anything to do to be ok. Instead we simply be ok.

I woke up the next morning still in that state of deep peace. I thought about the debt, the possibility of getting my house repossessed and still, I knew that I was whole and complete and that non of my circumstances were responsible for the years of despair I had been in. What was responsible for that despair was that I had been chasing a feeling that is already my birthright

Over the coming months, everything seemed to change and the things that didn’t, either didn’t matter or else I didn’t mind that they didn’t change. I have been taking humans on this same journey ever since. I sit by and watch humans die to themselves, only to discover who they really are.

When another soul listens for their truth with their soul, they find it. Outside of that is simply belief. The essence of life, even of human life is energy. It’s universally true for all life. Without energy, there would be nothing to power your heartbeat, your breath, or any of your bodily functions. So why is it that we think we have to power our mind? or our lives? Because it sometimes looks and feels like we have to.

Waking up to your true nature allows you to step down from the hamster wheel for a moment. How can anything be created when we are so busy creating enough steam to stay on the hamster wheel? Do you create your ideas or do they simply appear in your mind? Do you control how others perceive you or does that perception appear in their own mind? DO you create love or does love simply show up?

You don’t create this power, this life force, this universal energy, you are made of it and you are going to experience it and have an experience of it. I say this to many people and it’s worth repeating here:

No one ever died from a feeling. So many humans die from trying to do something about a feeling.

A feeling is feeling and changes shape. It moves around, it comes and goes, it ebbs and flows, as energy does naturally. Our feelings are our road map. They are our personal alarm to wake us from the illusion that we are anything other than peace. love and connection. Our feelings are an indicator that we are seeing life clearly or we are not. It really is that simple.

So, how much money, time and energy are you spending on your transformation? How much money, time and energy are you spending on fixing a feeling that is transient if you allow it to ebb and flow?

And finally, how would you like to discover for yourself that you are not broke, dysfunctional, mentally il, after all? How would you like to discover and connect with your own innate health and wellness so that you can do so anytime?

A Year of Miracles begins over the next few weeks. I will be spending 12 months personally mentoring and coaching a circle of women who are ready to step off the hamster wheel and discover how to create and live a miraculous life. You can too. For more information and to see what is entailed, click the link here


Nicky x



I did not come here to be like you! I came here to be me, to have a separate experience of something other than Oneness, to not know it, to forget it! Whatever IT is!

You see, I know Oneness, not personally, but generally, vaguely, fleetingly but not completely.  It goes by another name too, that of Love! In fact, Love is the only means for me to know Oneness, because to truly know Oneness, I couldn’t be here, experiencing the illusion of being separate, having a unique experience, an experience that is other than ‘it’

I am beginning to not desire the return home, to ‘It’, for that will happen when it happens and I may just regret not getting to know ‘me’ as the separate and unique entity who is willing, in this short time I have on earth, to fly alone. That being said, the realisation of non separation has allowed for a softening, an easing, an accepting that was not available to me beforehand. My guess is that I may suffer less often.  Although, its worth pointing out that it is a guess.  For how can I even know how much I might or might not have suffered otherwise?

When you know that you have an invisible, intangible, formless source that you are infinitely connected to, you don’t need to consider the possibility of not being separate. I don’t need to desire something of which I am already part.  I get to enjoy the illusion of separation and so do you. Like going to the cinema every single moment of my life knowing that eventually, I will go home!

How many times have you held back, toned down, changed course, simply to fit in, or to at least not stand out? If you can relate, you will also relate to the feeling that arises when you do any of those things.  An unnamed feeling, almost guilt, shame, a feeling of something being ‘off’.  We might even tell ourselves it’s uncomfortable and shouldn’t we get used to ‘uncomfortable’? Isn’t all of the juicy stuff in the feeling of ‘discomfort’? Pushing our comfort zone wider, expanding to a new comfort zone? Well, sometimes, but, there is an important factor in feelings of discomfort and a feeling of something not being right that is worth a closer look.

We often believe our feelings to be telling us about the outside world, a situation, an event or a person.  The illusion seems real.  Our feelings though are only ever telling us about our inside world.  They know nothing of anything beyond our mind.  Feelings are simpler than we believe, than most current personal development or psychological models understand. Feelings are your inner guide.

Feelings aren’t telling you ‘what’ to do, they are telling you what your mind is already doing!

Take fitting in for example.  If in your quest to fit in, you have a feeling anything other than one of love, peace, calm, that feeling is pointing you to your own mind and the resistance within it.  It is pointing you to the amazing phenomena of which you are already part, that of the Universal Power that drives all things.  The feeling is a pointing finger when you forget and you start to believe that fitting in is something that you must do or even must not do.  Rather than telling you that you don’t have to fit in after all, it is telling you that you that fitting in or not fitting in, are merely concepts.  You get to choose because the illusion of separation requires you to be unique. To show up to the moment as you already are!

This means that fitting in is neutral, but whether you want to fit in is not! By the same token, not fitting in is neutral but whether you want to not fit in, is not!

We are born to want! Its a driving force; desire! Our connection to others, is a result of following desire or rater being led by desire.  Ultimately, maybe the job of desire is to meet itself, to connect all things in form that are already truly connected in the formless?! Desire is a reminder of who we really are, One. Desire is isness

Some say that desire is pure ego, however, it seems that the internal battle we have with desire is ego, desire itself is natural and innate and arises from the silence of Mind.  It is the resistance that we have with desire that is the cause of suffering. It is the labels that we attribute to desire that cause a felt disturbance.  Desire itself neutral! What we think about desire is not!

The insecurity we have around desire is consciosness reverberating through the universe, the driving force behind all things and when we mistake that feeling for some other meaning, that insecurity plays out, sometimes in unhealthy ways, in behaviour that is unwanted and harmful.  Resistance to desire makes desire hard to resist.  We only have to look at the world around us to find evidence of this; addictions, hatred, non acceptance, intolerance.

Slowing down to catch the space beneath desire, the space from where the vibration comes, from where consciousness arises, allows a settling of the mind as it naturally drops insecurity and settles.  Thought falls away naturally and the true nature of everything begins to shine through more often.  The signs of our healing become clear and we get to follow it, take a different route, a different path with new scenery.  We get to create a new story.

All aspects of you are making attempts to heal in every given moment, if only you take a moment to listen <3

If you are struggling to heal right now, please reach out and let me support you